She's done a lot — saved the world, found love, forged lifelong friendships. Won, lost, saved. Became a champion ( still is a champion — and she presumes she will be one for as long as her goddess will have her ). She doesn't have regrets — it'd be stupid, at this point, to have regrets when her life had been so long. But it'd be a lie if she said she wouldn't miss any of it.
( She knows the end is near — Sarenrae as hinted as such, but even before that she can feel it in the very core of her being. She's told Scanlan, of course. Keyleth, too, because it's the least she deserves. They both told her to say hello to the rest. )
Her children ( and her children's children, and those children's children— ) will probably say something if they find her outside again. But here she is, lying down in an inconspicuous patch of grass just at the outskirts of Vasselheim, content to watch the clouds roll by. Her bones creak less when they're still, and her eyes thank her when she closes them to rest.
The next time she opens them, it's because a shadow's been cast in her line of sight. It's likely clouds covering the sun, but the difference is stark enough that she wants to see, just in case. Instead, her vision is filled with feathers, and— ]
[ Vax has watched them. It's all he can do from his perch behind the veil dropped between the Raven Queen's domain and the world he had departed. There is never any moment where is hasn't been aware of his family, living and breathing just beyond his reach.
When he is dispatched to collect each of them in turn, it is both a joyful reunion and guilty affair. Vax can never truly rejoice in guiding one of his family onwards. He is splitting their party further. Knowing this is the natural order of things doesn't take the sting out of each death. It shouldn't be so difficult after all these years, but it still weighs on Vax. Even his Lady's favor doesn't alleviate it for him when he returns to her, places his head in her lap and hears the soft purr of acknowledgement of a job well done.
The sounds of his friends, living and dead, herald the short flight to Pike's side. She has aged. Vax wants to put his fingers into her white hair, and lift her into his arms. He hates to find her alone; Scanlan shouldn't have to find her after Vax has stolen her away from this plane. ]
Hey, Pickle.
[ In one graceful movement, he crumples to the ground beside her. ]
I've really missed you.
[ He tells them all this. He's been telling them one way another, whether it's from the harsh caw from a raven's beak or the appearance of feathers somewhere they shouldn't be. He misses them. Even this most solemn moment can't be divorced from the near crippling pleasure of being in the presence of family one again. ]
[ It's comforting to know that he looks the same as always. She should find it unsettling — it's been centuries, yet this is the same face that said goodbye to her in front of Silver Talon's Reach. But that he's been well, that his life in service of his Lady was just as peaceful as her's ( and theirs, as a family ), is ... good to know.
It goes without saying that she worried about him. Still worries about him, even when he's here in front of her. She's lived most of her life worrying about her little family — some more than others at certain points, or all of them together at the same time. It's natural, then, that the concern extends to those that aren't with them anymore; she hopes that they are well, that they are happy, that they're not too sad about leaving first. She prays that the planes they inhabit are kind to them, that they don't resent the separation across planes too much.
( Naturally, she thinks about Grog the most. She can only hope that he's happy where ever he is, pursuing his dreams in the single-minded way he does. She misses him terribly. Sometimes, selfishly, she contemplates asking Sarenrae about him.
She never does it. Grog wouldn't want her to, that much she knows. )
Now things will change, she imagines. There's no point in asking why Vax is here, because both of them knew from the moment she opened her eyes. She'll worry about Scanlan, about Keyleth, because they're the last two and — for a moment, she wishes she didn't have to leave. But that is not the natural order of things, and her entire being responds to her calling more than anything else. ]
Hi. [ She smiles. A small thing that grows so much that laughter eventually bubbles out of her lips, unabashedly joyful. It hurts less to sit up, to stand up, to reach immediately for Vax's arm and hold on to it. ] I missed you, too.
[ Pike reaches to fix a stray hair on his face, leans back to study him a little closer. She wants to ask so much. ] Did she treat you well?
[ vax'ildan rests after his resurrection. he rests in fits and bouts, tossing and turning like he's feverishly trying to escape something. so vox machina takes a shift, each and every member, at his bedside, as if none of them have beds of their own, misfit children who don't want the kraken to come swooping in to take their own away again. percival notes them one by one. grog at the foot of his bed, taryon seated in a chair beside him, narrating something long and well-embellished to doty, keyleth laying beside him, vex curled up at his chest, her fingers tangled in his hair where her feathers are brilliant teal beacons. pike watches from her astral form, seated on the edge of the bed swinging her legs back and forth.
there's really no need for this. vax is alive, he's even woken up a few times to sit up for a meal or two. she won't take him - remember? the raven queen said as much didn't she?
but resurrection takes it's payment and then some on a body. percy still stands in the doorway when it's his turn, arms folded loosely over his chest, pike meeting his eyes with a small, sweet smile as she eventually hops off with a great heave of her mighty shoulders. he barely feels her when she taps him on the way out, a lingering touch of warmth that maybe is supposed to be comforting but only leaves him feeling like he could have done so much more if he wasn't so... godsdamned useless back there.
his expression withers just a little bit as he glances at the bed, disturbed sheets and chair looking clinically cold in the corner. he has two choices, so he takes the one in between, finding purchase to sit on the edge of the bed furthest from vax, elbows on his knees, hunched over. ]
Are you asleep? [ he asks the room, wondering if he'll even get an answer. ]
[ It's not so much the drowning. Vax can't articulate it all and doesn't want to. The weight of his Lady's expectations pulls at him. And beneath it, his body is strained to breaking still, healing slowly. The presence of his family helps, circling him as he drowses fitfully through the worst of the process. Sometimes, barely awake, he isn't even fully aware of the transition from one to the other but the warmth of their affection anchors him and eases him back to sleep.
There are still moments when he feels so, so cold. It's kept at bay when his sister and Keyleth are weaving braids and beads into his hair, or as Grog grips his ankle and talks about what they'll do next, where they'll go next, or when Pike's soft glow washes over him and Tary's voice drives out the worst of his worries. But a single absence is noted, even among Vax's other, less pleasant occupations. When Pike leaves, he expects Grog back, but when he opens his eyes again he finds his present visitor perched far from him. He isn't fully certain of how much time has passed, and blinks blearily at Percy before unfurling slightly, pushing up on the pillow to stall the slow, drowsy slide back into unconsciousness and nightmares. ]
[ ah. there he is. there's a small smile that forms on percival's lips, which he wipes away quickly. he leans back on one hand, looking over his shoulder and watching as vax tiredly adjusts the pillow. he leans down slowly, unlacing his boots, tugging them off and setting them to the side before swinging his legs onto the bed. percy doesn't know what to offer. just like he hadn't known what to offer when they'd brought him back. so he moves in close, gathering the other pillow in his arm and stretching a little alongside him.
lifting one hand to his ear, he feigns speaking into the earring: ]
Pot? [ he nods sagely ] Why yes, hello, this is kettle, speaking. Might I say you're looking just as awful, if not worse.
[ he keeps his voice low, but the hint of a chuckle is buried there somewhere underneath the pacing's exhaustion he can feel in his knees now. he knows how vax'ildan feels - death has no mercy. and to be pulled is both an honor and a trial. he reaches those same fingers over now and touches one of the woven in strings of beads in vax's hair, a tenderness finding the creases in his temples and at his eyes. he takes up a few strands of hair in his fingers, long and errant, out of place. ]
I've no comfort in the way of magic to offer you, [ as if he was supposed to come here bearing gifts. ] No beads, and my reading voice leaves quite a lot to be desired.
[ he babbles. it's all he has. he scoots closer regardless and presses his lips very quietly in the dark to his hair. ]
[ Percy draws closer, but he doesn't get quite close enough. Vax shifts with a soft groan to turn onto his side, mirroring Percy as if soaking in sunlight. His body aches. Vax has been beaten bloody more often than not, but exhaustion had never settled into his bones this way. It's what dying does, dying and needing to be dragged back from his Lady's side. He breathes out, turning his thoughts back to Percy instead of letting them spiral away from him yet again. ]
Good thing our family has already brought me all of that.
[ Vax's hand trips along Percy's hip as he leans further forward, sinking slightly into the mattress. ]
I thought you weren't coming.
[ Though even as Vax says this, his expression clouds in faint confusion. He hasn't made much sense of time. Sleep has muddled everything. Has it been long? Has he imagined that the rotation of those he loves the most was lacking Percy? ]
I'm glad you're here, [ He continues, tone decisive. ] I'm sure you'll think of some way to distract me from having nearly been eaten.
[ he gathers him up slowly now, piece by piece. the moment vax begins to turn towards him, he shifts closer, pulling blankets and pillow along until they help create a comfortable place of the crook of percy's arms as he holds him. this is much better, feeling him here and now, alive. ]
I was being very selfish.
[ honesty. ]
I wanted to be the last to see you.
[ affection. ]
I... [ oh he's awful at this. he knows it. working through his words on the spot only gets him so far with people who don't know him as well as vax'ildan or the rest of vox machina. he slides a hand fully through his hair now, rests the heel of his palm on vax's cheek, looking him over - dark eyes and sharp expressions gone slack with exhaustion, so much so that it makes him ache thinking he's hurt so much. he doesn't have to lean much now, close as he is, to press a kiss just at the center of his forehead. he lets his thumb stroke a slow line over the rise of his cheekbone. ] I can't tell you enough how... relieved I am that you've returned to us. [ to me feels too much.
so instead he punctuates - a kiss to the tip of his nose, to the warmth of his mouth, steady and lingering. ]
[ Even now, reconciled beyond all the dark anger that Vax had carried for months after the incident in the tomb, their habit has always been to needle and challenge. They're still as likely to bite as anything else. But in the wake of such a close call, of being helpless in the face of something so large and so powerful, there's nothing else to do but be soft with each other. Vax's mouth opens under Percy's, yielding as he catches hold of his shirt, wrinkles the fabric beneath his hand. It's easier to sink into the kiss than to try to explain the sensation of spinning in the vast empty space where his goddess dwelled, of the dual urges to linger even with the voices of his family and Pike's presence pulling him back.
What happens when She calls and he finds himself unable to do anything but answer? How does he leave them?
But that's not a question he has to answer for himself today. The kiss breaks on a yawn, then a self-satisfied grin. The smugness of the expression doesn't hide the tenderness in Vax's eyes; Percy's words wedge like a blade into his chest. Vax knows all Percy's charm doesn't make it easy for him to say. ]
As if you could be rid of me that easily.
[ Deflecting. What else does he say? He finds himself at a loss in the wake of Percy's admission. Their usual brand of selfishness doesn't feel like this. Every gentle sweep of Percy's fingers and press of his mouth has Vax shuddering, body heating in spite of the memory of cold. ]
Stay here, please. For tonight.
[ Vax very much doubts they'd manage the entire night without their family drifting in again. At the least, Keyleth wouldn't stay away. But Vax is reluctant to surrender this particular closeness. ]
[ they'll all pile in eventually, it's in their nature. they're drawn to each other like magnets of different shape and size at this point, always coming back to one another. something in percy's heart drops like a stone into the pit of his stomach at the realization that they'd nearly lost him. and sure, the raven queen is an entity unto herself, willing this and that for her own demands, but... ]
Of course, [ he mumbles it out mid-motion, settling in at the tail end of the word and kicking blankets up because if he's going to make a thorough job of this then he wants to be as close as humanly possible.
a rarity.
the de rolos were never a touchy sort of family, but vox machina has made percy crave it like most flowers crave the light, yawning towards each touch like it feeds him at the depths of his tattered soul. he rests his face into the black halo of vax's hair, a hand on his face sliding down to smooth over his arm now as he pulls him close. ]
No more oceans for a while. That was... absolutely terrifying. [ the kraken? losing you. ]
[ With a soft groan, Vax disrupts Percy's positioning, leaning onto his back, dragging Percy along with him. He wants the warm weight of Percy over him, like a weight to pin him here and ward against nightmares, against the fear of slipping away in the night. He remembers enough. He remembers his Lady's face. It's a large task for anyone to stand between him and Her, but Vax thinks he's earned the right to be indulged. ]
I'm not planning on going swimming any time soon.
[ His fingers trail down the nape of Percy's neck, tuck beneath his collar. They're all made of scars by now, despite Keyleth and Pike (and Scanlan, Vax's thoughts stutter over the name) and Vex'ahlia's best efforts. They all had so many ways to ward against pain, but the scars lingered. Vax can count his own, ropey and ugly, across his body. He hasn't checked to see what the Kraken left him as a gift. ]
How did it feel when you...how did it feel on Glintshore?
[ As Vax lobs out this particularly difficult question, he draws his legs up, ankles bracing on the bedding as his thighs bracket Percy's hips. It's almost like Vax anticipates some withdrawal, and his body instinctively moves to keep him held tightly. ]
polymachina but vax gets nailed in the bath scene instead /drops mic
[ The baths in Whitehall are lavish. Vax had noted this upon his first proper visit with some level of derision, and then never again. Sitting alone in the tub that had been prepared for him, Vax's thoughts inevitably turn first to the lingering threat of Raishan then, restlessly to all that she can enact in this span of time while they aren't actively hunting her.
It's too late to raise the idea of going out again. They're all tired. They're all tapped. Vax knows that the moment has passed, and even the grace of his Lady won't stretch far enough to give him what he needs. Resting and regrouping is all that can be done, but every time Vax tries to consider settling, the prospect slips from his fingers.
He leaves his tub. Naked, he slips silently through the corridor. There's a half-formed impulse in his head to find someone to bicker with. Grog would be ideal, but Grog isn't in the baths. Almost without thinking, Vax moves like a shadow through the massive chamber until he finds Percy, and climbs in without a single word.
There isn't quite enough room to avoid contact right off the bat. Their ankles knock together, calves brushing. Vax raises an eyebrow at him, and says nothing, waiting for Percy to react. ]
[ there isn't enough room in this bath for the two of them, not if they're to keep to their own sides. percy is stubborn enough to refuse the bid to move out of his space and vax is angling to be an annoyance by pressing their ankles together, shins grazing. he's got his arms perched on the sides of the tub like a lounge, spine molding to the comfortable slope of the bath and as he looks at him, still-steaming water brushing his collarbones, he tilts his head just a little bit.
vax is just a slight smudge on the other end of the tub, fogged over by his lack of glasses, but he doesn't need to see vax to know what this might be about.
he shifts a little more, this time to sit up, sliding wet fingers through his hair. ]
Can I help you? [ dryly, as if he knows. ] Need some help reaching your back? Can I offer you some sort of complimentary hair washing? [ his hands return to the sides of the tub, as if he's considering getting up. in truth, he's not. perish the thought, the bath is comfortable and vax's presence doesn't deaden that. ]
[ vax traps him quite soundly: first when he draws him over his body and slides fingers down the sensitive nape of his neck, second when he frames his hips with his thighs. he settles in despite the question, seems to press in even more because vax isn't the only one who's asked him this, and while the answer is stilted and uncomfortable to deliver, sends his skin crawling at the memory of it, he doesn't deny him. ]
Pain... [ a pause, slow as he sinks fingers into vax's hair, presses a soft kiss to his temples and murmurs: ] Being consumed... I was being eaten. Every fiber of my... just... devoured slowly and painfully, I...
[ he presses his forehead to vax's, brow drawing down tight. ]
It felt like there would be an end... that it would end only when I was gone. Truly. Completely. Gone... perhaps this answer isn't the clearest, but I've tried not to think about it. [ he smoothes an errant hair back, inky black curled around his finger, mixed in with the stray beads that vax has braided into his hair, the feathers from his sister a stark teal in contrast. ] Did you hear her? The Raven Queen? See her?
[ As Percy's hands come down on the side of the tub, Vax leans forward slightly, expression intent. Vax can spare a thought for how handsome Percy looks in the moment, damp hair sticking up, skin flushed from the water. But after a moment, when it's clear Percy isn't going to push himself up and out of the tub, Vax settles on a response. ]
I was thinking that the service here was lacking.
[ His ankle knocks against Percy's, too hard for it to be an accident. ]
Nothing to say, Percival?
[ Goading Percy into something ill-advised isn't anything new, but in the wake of everything, of death and dragons and what Vax still saw as a crucial missed opportunity, there's a certain deliberate edge to the provocation. Vax needs something to rattle the adrenaline out of his system. Arguing with Percy has been that outlet before. The softening of things between them might not quite extend to this. ]
[ Vax is very quiet. One heel lifts to dig into the back of Percy's thigh while he considers that answer and tries to come up with one of his own.
Impulsively, Vax lifts his head to catch Percy's mouth. He lets the kiss linger, drag out slowly, as his fingers tighten on Percy's neck. It's a good distraction. It's a better comfort, maybe, than anything Vax could say about Percy's brief time spent dead. He knows what he'd asked. And it helps less than Vax thought it would. His own absence from this world hadn't been the same. He nips Percy's lower lip, then lets his head thunk back on the pillow, draws in a deep breath. ]
I was with her. I think I was with her.
[ Vax has the lingering impression of soft hands, a white mask, feathers brushing his face. ]
It's hard to remember, Percy.
[ There was time missing. His fingers tap anxiously along Percy's nape, hook the collar of his shirt indecisively. ]
But I think she had me. I don't remember...nothing felt urgent.
[ And that is perhaps what Vax finds most troubling; there had been no crushing need to return. Surely that would have made itself known? ]
Why must I always have something to say to you, Vax'ildan? Do you not appreciate my long stretches of silence?
[ goaded he is, but percy won't let it filter into rage, rather snaps back with a certain easiness as he slides his fingertips over porcelain, lets the waist-deep, warm water sound off and splash against the sides of the bath. vax'ildan is infuriating, absolutely ruinous in the way he dumps himself into each and every situation, making percy's hackles raise and his pulse hammer, hot in his throat like a forge. ]
Or would you prefer I fill your time with something more worth while?
[ vax'ildan is a rogue, for certain, but percival is still quick, moving in to pin him against his edge of the tub, arm bracketing his throat as he slides between his legs. the water upsets itself over the sides of the vessel and he doesn't quite kiss him, rather, mouths words over his lips. ]
You never say what it is you want. I would like for you to tell me what you want, Vax. [ without his spectacles, percy's eyes are a brilliant blue, nearly electric as he lets one hand trail downwards just a bit to clasp vax's knee beneath the water almost tenderly. ]
[ It isn't that Vax doesn't see Percy coming. He catches the motion and thinks briefly about evading it, but the tub isn't big enough for his usual tricks. And really, he doesn't necessarily want to dodge out from beneath Percy's grip. He came here for something specific. As Percy pins him to the porcelain, mouths over his lips, Vax's hips hitch upward on instinct as a shock of arousal lances through him. ]
Don't you know?
[ Vax's hands rake down Percy's back, seeking purchase but instead just scraping over soapy skin. He likes the muscles there, how they flex beneath his hands as Percy bears down on him. Beneath his weight, Vax squirms, giving the suggestion of escape even as his heel knocks encouragingly against Percy's calf. ]
I'd think you'd be able to come up with an accurate guess, Percival.
[ Even as he says this, Vax knows Percy isn't going to make this so easy for him. And that's just as well. Vax came here looking for a fight, looking to burn away adrenaline by losing to someone safely, and these days it's easy to say he's safe with Percy. His fingers dig into Percy's hips, trying to pull him downwards as he strains to get better contact with Percy's mouth. ]
Perhaps she knows how much we need you and every dagger you've got to spare us.
[ said low, like a secret. it's just the two of them here, but percy is quiet all the same, as if he might incur the wrath of someone who might mistake his laying atop vax for him trying to strangle him in the middle of the night (it's happened, or maybe he'd simply dreamed it during their more volatile times.) ]
You're fidgety, [ an off-handed remark, feeling the way fingers tap along his nape, against the bones and his pulse, where the top of his spine starts.
so he shifts a bit, bracing himself on his hands and lowering again to press a lingering kiss on the corner of his mouth where trouble and thought curl themselves together in a shape that percy knows well. ] Tell me what I can do to put you at ease besides staying here with you. Vex knows I'm the last to come see you. She'll ask me whether I've harassed you or disturbed you from your sleep and I want to make sure that whatever answer I give her is both truthful and completely your idea.
[ a lie: i just want to give you what you need. i have no gifts. ]
[ There's something Vax can't quite articulate to Percy, hasn't been able to tell anyone, even his sister. They've returned him to this world, but he feels hollowed out. It's as if he were scraped clean when they pulled him from the water. He still tastes salt when he wakes, before he remembers.
There are moments, many of them, when Vax feels as if he is partially absent from this world. Sleep hasn't swept that sense away from him. He is aware now more than ever of who he serves. He is aware of how easy it would be to slip away from his family. These are hard things to hold in his mind. They're easier kept at bay when his friends are close to him; Percy's bulk does the trick in the moment. It grounds him here, reminds him that his life has been clawed back at what he suspects was a dear price.
There's no answer immediately. Vax's head turns to find Percy's mouth again and kiss him softly, almost chastely. ]
Wear me out, [ he says finally, unsure if that's exactly what he wants but it's about as close as he can come without trying to verbalize the sense of displacement and the lingering weight of his Lady's hold on him. ] Please.
[ Out of everyone, Percy's the best candidate for indulging him in this. Grog might have been good for it, if he weren't so thoroughly cowed by Pike. But Percy is good for taking him apart and putting him back together. They've taught each other enough of that over time. ]
[ more than a few. and half of them not quite ideas so much as they are fully-fledged desires that vax immediately conjures to mind with his fingers raking down his back so, dragging down to his hips, urging him closer. he keeps his grip on the edge of the tub firm, not allowing himself to be dragged down. instead, the hand on vax's knee brings his leg up just a bit more, to wrap around the shelf of his hip and to press them close. he won't be brought down so much as he'll bring vax towards him. ]
You came here looking for trouble, [ he says, nose brushing softly against his, eyes narrowed just a bit, edging on playful but wrought with arousal all the same as he presses vax further back against the bath. the hand on the edge slides up to grasp his hair, to wind it around his knuckles and to pull slowly to bare his neck. the motions are slow, barely stirring the water as he presses in close, makes it agonizingly take more time than it needs to.
because if there is one thing percy is, it's thorough. every fingertip has proper placement, ever slight adjustment in his hips is meant to stir him up a little more. ] And I suppose I'd best give it to you or you'll go looking for it elsewhere. And I can't have that.
[ when he kisses him, it's bruising and without a warning. ]
[ he gets his knees under himself a moment, leaning forward with fingers smoothing back dark hair. one kiss, and then another, and then one more — ]
If that will please you.
[ a quiet assent that is met with the sound of blankets being pulled away, clothing being pushed aside bit by bit. every inch of flesh revealed is drawn over by fingertips, skimming underneath to pull his shirt up, smoothing along elbows and forearms to draw it down and away onto the floor again.
they're always told to leave their freshly risen friends to their rest.
unfortunately percival and vax find it difficult to do so. a resonance and disembodied sensation in skin and muscle once soft with death. a dissociation between this world and the last, life and death, existing and ceasing to be. that last breath is painful, that last breath is like a fist around the lungs before everything becomes dark and otherworldly.
when he kisses him on the mouth again, it's less chaste than vax's, a promise to wear him out signed and sealed as he pushes under the blankets himself now and lets the line of vax's body carefully come to rest flush to his. the kraken had left bruises in its wake, long and winding ugly things that still feel tender that percy aims to just barely graze his cool fingertips over. ]
[ The sting of that kiss shocks it's way through Vax, goes straight to his gut. The way Percy touches him is like he's dug a fish hook into Vax's chest, like he yanks on it and sets Vax's entire body shuddering. He's at a disadvantage here: Percy's water-drenched skin is slick, and he's lifted Vax just off-balance enough that he can't get purchase, can't twist up the way he wants to. He feels like he's vibrating out of his skin as Percy slowly, contemplatively, considers whether or not he plans on being indulgent.
When their mouths meet, Vax bites him. Goading, provocative, as one hand clumsily scrapes for purchase against the side of the tub and the other scores four scratches down Percy's shoulderblade. It's accidental, though Vax wouldn't be believed if he'd protested. ]
Come on, [ Vax hisses. ] Don't be coy, Percival.
[ He lifts his foot to dig his heel into Percy's thigh, try to leverage himself closer than Percy's allowing for at the moment. Knowing he's going to get what he wants from this makes Vax insufferable, deliberately so. He knows Percy won't be rushed. They've been entangled long enough for Vax to understand how this will go, but it doesn't quell his impatience, or the urge to needle at Percy until he can't. ]
The Deathwalker's Ward blunted some of the damage, but the end result is still written across his skin in vivid purples and greens. He shudders when Percy touches them, gasping quietly against his mouth. Vax has carried bruises in one form of another all of his life, but this particular set comes bound up in a sucking, cold darkness, the inside of a gaping maw and the knowledge that somewhere close by his family is struggling onwards with an impossible battle.
They are still in the midst of an impossible battle, and for a moment, when he'd felt the tug of Pike's attention and the slow-rising whispers of his friends' voices, he hadn't understood why he would be called back. He makes a low, pained noise as Percy's fingers map out the marks left behind, and flattens his hand over Percy's before he can pull away. ]
That's good.
[ Not exactly, but the sensation isn't unwelcome. There are moments when Vax thinks he will never care how he's being touched by any of them, so long as they put their hands on him. He feel that way now, aware of a slow-growing desperation for anything Percy will give him. ]
It doesn't hurt, [ he amends, quieter, cocooned beneath the blankets with Percy's body tucked in alongside him. ] You don't have to be overly gentle.
[ Percy isn't sure how he feels about coming back from the dead.
There's a part of him that thinks that he can feel the barrel of a gun against his head even though that is complete nonsense; he had no sense of the world when her gun had been against him. The darkness of Orthax, the panic of dropping down, knowing he forgave her and feeling that bliss of freedom, knowing that he had done something good even in the midst of all that mess and uncertainty, knowing that -
He hadn't been sure that he would come back, but here he is.
He's still incredibly tired, but there's a sense of buzzing energy under him, in his limbs, that has him climbing out of bed in the middle of the night. He's exhausted but he wants something more, wants to do something, and he goes and walks, seeking something. What Percy wants is to be grounded, to be given something that might anchor him to this world, more than the magic of a resurrection ritual, more than the words in his ears, soft and gentle and real. He had made the choice to come back and he does not regret it, but...
There's something else. He wants something else. He needs to feel alive again.
It doesn't take long for him to find what he's looking for, hands pressed palm flat against the door before he breathes out, lifting a hand, knocking, once, twice, three times. Sharp, aristocratic. Obvious. ]
[ I am...so sorry, Vax had said to his sister, standing in a wreck of broken glass, the blood of their friend spattered across the ground. They hadn't been able to stop it from happening. For a long, terrible moment, Vax hadn't been sure they'd be able to bring Percy back either.
Back in Whitestone, the jittery aftermath still impresses itself upon them. They had nearly paid a terrible price for the dagger that sits on Vax's hip, for the cloak they had pulled from Ripley's body. Vax had tread down to the temple Percy had made for him and prayed, fumbling over thanks that he wonders was not best lavished entirely on Pike. Faith comes slowly, even when he feels ghostly fingers dance up the nape of his neck and guide him out of the temple. He still feels them lingering as he carefully removes the Deathwalker's Ward piece by piece.
And then, the knock. ]
You look terrible, [ is the first thing Vax tells him, though the humor falls flat in spite of his intentions. So he continues, pressing: ] I know you're supposed to be resting.
[ The door opens as he says this, Vax stepping aside in unspoken invitation. It's Percy's castle, of course, but beyond that, he's at Vax's door for a reason. Vax is content to wait for it, and to push Percy into his own bed in hopes of him falling asleep before he manages to get to it. ]
[ the bite earns him a short slap to the thigh, fingers digging in even harder than before, a nip of pain as he twists hair against his knuckles and demonstrates precisely what is going to happen here in the slowly cooling bath water. he lingers on the kiss, presses another against vax's mouth, teeth and tongue, open-mouthed and breathless, hungry. he lets this go on a few moments, tasting the warmth of him, contemplating just how he wants to gradually pick him apart until he's draped over the bath like a ragged, wet, dark thing, completely undone.
he squeezes a hand against his thigh and pulls from the kiss briefly. ]
I have no plans on being coy, nor do I plan on being delicate. I promise.
[ and fingers slip downwards into the water a moment, finding the warmth of his cock, circling it briefly before dipping lower and lower. ]
I will take you apart precisely how I want and you'll say nothing of it unless you'd like me to haul you out of this bath myself with nothing to show for it.
[ pressing with a knuckle against the sensitive spot before his entrance, thin, hot skin, and skimming only faintly there. he's bearing in shoulders to cage him close to the edge of the bath, thumb stroking along where he's fisting fingers in his hair still like a lead. ] Are we understood?
[ Vax feels the way his entire body stutters over that promise, adrenaline spiking at the knowledge that Percy's going to give him exactly what he wants. He swallows hard, fingers digging in hard to keep his purchase on Percy's shoulders as Percy touches him.
There's a particular way Percy handles anything: Vax, his guns, unknown relics. He touches as if cataloging, as if prying out the secrets of an items and how it fits together. As he touches Vax, it leaves him with the sense that Percy is learning him down to sinew and bone. Vax's entire body shocks at the sensation of Percy's fingers on his cock and then lower, intent broadcast and sealed with fingers clutched in Vax's damp hair. His mouth falls open, wind momentarily knocked out of him before he answers Percy with a slow, pleased grin. ]
When have you ever known me to be that well-behaved?
[ Though there is, as ever, a line that Vax will dance along without crossing. He wants what Percy is offering. Being unceremoniously dumped out of the tub is the last thing Vax wants when Percy is promising to excise every lingering regret and jitter of the battle they'd dragged themselves through this day.
This is how they remind each other that they are alive. Vax knows that, even as his nails scrape red lines across Percy's shoulder while he tries to lever himself back up to get at Percy's mouth. Inevitably, it means Percy's hand in his hair pulls taut, sending stinging pricks of pain sparking down Vax's spine, but it doesn't deter him. ]
[ Nothing feels the same, he's realised, once you've come back from the dead. There's no sense of feeling reborn, of being remade, as if his past life has been forgiven - it's quite the opposite, actually. He feels burdened by his own choices, by the knowledge that Ripley had won, even for a moment - that she had bested him, that with his old friend at her side she had taken him down and he had fallen. It's a bristling kind of agony that Percy does not like in the least.
What he wants, he thinks, is to wrap his arms around Vax and just hold on, to badger some kind of sympathy for him, but he cannot quite give himself the confidence to do that. Instead he thinks he might be able to ply company with a good bottle of whiskey and some desperation, his eyes flickering and wide before he manages himself, standing a little taller, forcing himself to be Percival rather than just Percy.
That might make all this a little easier. ]
I was resting. It just wasn't... Restful.
[ Which sounds utterly ridiculous, but he thinks Vax might understand.
Slipping inside, Percy sighs and twitches a little, hesitating. He wants, something, but his voice seems to be caught in his throat. Instead he coughs, reaching to his belt and tugging off the bottle, as if that was his intention the entire time, as if his mind was not wandering at all. ]
[ Yes, Vax understands. He has not died, but he knows what it is to lie down and sleep and be robbed of rest by every single nightmare rattling to life in the dark. He watches Percy straighten up and thinks, Oh, don't do that for me.
But he's quiet, closes the door behind him and gestures to his room. ]
Make yourself comfortable.
[ Whatever conclusions Vax has drawn about Percy's presence in his room, he keeps it to himself. He takes the bottle and works it open, swigs from it rather than make any pretense at finding a cup.
And he doesn't pose the question until after they've both had a swig or two: ]
Are you going to talk to me about it?
[ Though Vax is almost entirely certain Percy did not come here to talk. ]
[ It had felt endless, even before his resurrection. It had felt as though he would never wake up again, and sleep had disappeared from him as soon as that thought had settled. He didn't want to risk what might happen if he fell asleep and couldn't come to again, if his life was stolen from him a second time. Surely, he thinks, surely once is enough, and he can feel the knots in his stomach even as he glances back.
Hesitating, his hands shake as he looks at the bottle he brought with him, lifting a hand to run through his hair. ]
Thank you.
[ But it's not really enough, is it? Just drinking. It won't make all the fear and uncertainty completely disappear, and he turns back to look at the other man, hesitating for a moment before he forces himself to breathe out and relax. He has to have control of himself, even if he doesn't think he might be able to.
[ and the feeling of vax's nails raking down his wet skin is heaven just as he says this, enough to get him to sigh pleasantly into vax's mouth as they kiss again. he lets vax pull as much as he wants, doesn't shift his hand to accommodate him, rather, forces him to work through the bite of having his hair pulled. ]
Which is why you've come to me, clearly.
[ for the discipline (not the case, but part of the act). as if percy has any of his own, as if all he has is pent up energy and thrumming muscles and the desire to take vax right now. but he waits, biting down on the warm swell of his lower lip, enough to bruise, enough to really hurt as he pins him to the bath and knees his thighs apart, loosens the hand in his hair to slowly trail down the lines of his torso, over skin, mottled and broken in places, scarred over and claimed by an entity far greater than they themselves could dream.
but that's enough. enough enough enough. no thoughts about what might be, what's looming in the distance.
instead he draws fingers up against vax's lips as he leans in close, thumbs the seam of his mouth now wet from the kiss. ]
[ Percy isn't wrong. Vax is here because Percy won't pull his punches and because Vax had wondered, just a little, if Percy was irritated enough with him to lean into that role that much harder. His hand in Vax's hair doesn't move and the prickling pull of it as Vax leans up has him shuddering but not faltering.
It's always worth it to kiss Percy. He comes away with a new bruise, tonguing the sore spot on his lip as Percy touches him, manhandles him satisfyingly. Vax's hands grab at his biceps, gripping as Percy's fingers smooth their way across his skin. Nothing can possibly be new to Percy, but the way he observes, detached, lights Vax up. The intimation of a claim, anchoring him here, Vax needs that very much.
He will never know how to ask for it. Maybe Percy knows that, divined it and learned how to give it to him. It wouldn't be a surprise. ]
I—
[ There's a comical moment where Vax's mouth opens to impart something likely sarcastic, then closes before Percy can proceed. Vax watches him for a moment, assessing, before making a decision and parting his lips, sliding down just a little in the bath in vague hopes of getting closer to some sort of friction.
Percy hasn't left him a lot of room. He's put himself between Vax's thighs, but there's nowhere to go, nothing to rut up against. Clever, and irritating. Par for the course with Percy, really. ]
The last thing I need is a lecture, [ he scolds softly, but places open palms against the lengthy marks roping around his skin, presses into the abrasions as if maybe something helpful would birth from his palms instead of a curse. cure wounds as if he were some wondrous spellcaster. lay on hands, even, but what god would have him? so instead he smooths cool fingertips along each ugly line that the deathwalker's ward could not keep off. ] But you'll feel it, I promise. Everything you want and need, Vax'ildan. I owe you this.
[ leaning in, he presses his mouth to vax's, a solid weight to the kiss, one that tells him of just how alive he is, how warm he will be soon enough, how beloved he is for all of the shit he talks, tongue like a knife. one hand on his belly, the other skimming up to slide through his hair, to thumb the feathers vex'ahlia has braided into place, shock of blue in the dark. ] I want to give this to you.
[ a reminder that he's alive, a reminder that — ]
You are ours.
[ soft and against his mouth, kissed lingeringly, then his jaw, his throat. ]
I'll show you.
[ with a hand trailing down past those bruises, over the line of his hips, against the waistline of loose sleep clothes. ]
[ No, perhaps there isn't. Neither of them had ever been very forthcoming about what was going on in their heads. Vax lets his emotions play out across his face, move and influence him. Percy, on the other hand— ]
We could talk about why you're here.
[ Vax doesn't reach to touch him, but he turns in towards Percy. The urge to reach out is written all over him. ]
It's late, Freddie.
[ Which isn't an invitation to leave, but it is a tell in and of itself. If Percy were alright, he'd be asleep. After everything, after Glintshore and Orthax, it doesn't seem strange that something's keeping Percy up at night. It's just hard to know how to help, which of his instincts to trust. They'd only barely begun repairing their friendship. It leaves Vax in a strange position, wanting to help but not quite steady enough to know where to begin. ]
[ Percy's hands are like licks of fire across his skin. His mouth opens under Percy's, sighing quietly into the kiss. He thinks about biting Percy, thinks about something a lot more strenuous than what they're in the midst of now. Percy's weight bears him down into the mattress, scorches and burns against the chill that's settled into his bones since he woke on the temple floor.
But what Percy says—
Vax groans, breath catching in his throat. Percy uttering that claim, words snagging and hooking into his belly. You are ours. The statement, something Vax has always known, lances through him. He feels tears pricking at his eyes. He'd almost been gone. If he hadn't come back, if She hadn't given him back... ]
You don't owe me, I just...please.
[ His fingers lace through Percy's, clutch on tightly. ]
Keep saying that.
[ Nothing he doesn't know, but something he still wants to hear. He wants Percy to bite that truth into his skin: that he belongs to Vox Machina, that their claim on him is strong enough to anchor him even in the face of his patron. Percy's determined to be gentle, and maybe that's the sensible approach, but all it means is that Vax clings on to him even more tightly. He wants to draw Percy over him, wants to claw his way inside Percy's bones.
At his throat, the sensation of Percy's lips still burn. Every place he touches, the sensation of Percy's hands and mouth linger. Vax should have asked him: is this chill normal? How long had it taken for Percy to shake it off? Had anything besides another set of hands been able to drive it away? ]
[ soft, not an ounce demeaning more than it is gentle praise as he slides thumb and then forefinger into his mouth. he parts vax's lips and presses in closer just as he tries to slide down further. if vax wants friction, he'll hike him into his lap, one hand now slipping down beneath the water to grip the small of his back, to press him up against the heat of his cock, at attention and pressing against the cleft of his ass warmly. ]
Now what to do with you...
[ pressing down against his tongue, thumb grazing along his teeth, his other hand keeps vax steadily planted in his lap. his own cock is aching for some kind of release, to fuck into his warmth, to encounter the heat of his mouth (clever tongue that he has), to have him clutching the edges of the bath and begging until the water is chilled... but he takes his time. the long game is a favorite of percy's after all.
but undoing vax comes in as a close second. it may even be neck and neck at this point as he shifts fingers, middle and ring, into his mouth and commands. ]
[ Letting Percy have the upper hand is always a risky proposition. He has a gift for patience that drives Vax out of his mind under the best of circumstances. Even when he relents enough to haul Vax into his lap, it's with the promise of making him wait for something else.
But the end result is always—
There is something about being taken apart by Percy that destroys Vax every time. Percy's methodical about it. It isn't a surprise that by now Percy can look at Vax and know exactly which chords to pluck to shatter him apart. They've taught each other. They learned when their tumbles were far more vicious and far more likely to wound. Vax's teeth on Percy's knuckles are a pale echo of that, biting down even as his tongue laves at the callouses on Percy's fingers, sucking rather than sniping around the fingers Percy presses farther into his mouth.
He doesn't gag. Not yet, at least. That's not Percy's game at the moment.
He holds Percy's gaze as he thrusts up against the flat planes of Percy's belly. It's not much of anything, too slick from the water while Vax is held too close to manage much motion. His fingers dig in hard at the nape of Percy's neck as he groans, muffled and impatient. ]
• misc. fluff • post ep 44 internal conflict trash • something post fall of emon • misc odds and ends during the dragon fights • fucky magic stuff • what if the rakshasa charmed gilmore to murder vax ey ey • post-campaign gilmore resurrects vax • whatever else you can think of
[ There's some hesitance and Percy looks lost and confused for a moment, as if he's looking for something to anchor him. Only then does he turn to look at Vax again, expression twisting. ]
We could, but must we?
[ Bowing his head, he breathes in and out gently before he shakes his head. ]
Do you want me to go? I didn't want to disturb you, I only -
[ He wanted something. He wanted something to anchor him, to make him feel better, squeezing his hands tight together. Taking his glass, he downs the emtire thing before he rests his face in his hands. ]
[ The first time they'd kissed in the wake of the tomb, Vax had been covered in blood and Percy tasted like gunpowder. He'd kissed Percy like a punch in the mouth, like a substitute for cracking a fist across his jaw.
It might have been foolish. Vax hadn't thought it through beyond wanting Percy's hands on his body and the ugly, burning need to dig bruises into his skin. So often these days, Vax feels on the verge of shattering apart. The cold brush of the Raven Queen's attentions weighs on him. He chokes on the words to explain it, and stalls over his own apprehensions. The least complicated thing in his life is the steady burn of anger he feels for Percy, and when they collide in the wake of this stupid, foolish tussle with a band of mercenaries, all Vax can think is—
Finally.
Has he missed this? The question circles round and round his head that first time, he and Percy crashing into each other in more of a fight than anything else. Vax comes away with a fat lip and Percy's sporting an ugly bruise along his jaw, and it should have been just the once, but it isn't.
Which is why Vax is spending his night this way, weight dropped into the cradle of Percy's hips as he securely knots Percy's wrists together. Vax's heart is hammering in his chest, mouth bruised, but there's something grounding in doing this, just paying attention to Percy beneath him rather than thinking about how the world is caving in around them all. ]
Stop squirming.
[ As if Vax isn't equally guilty of being constant motion, hurtling towards Percy and away like a shot. ]
[ The words are simple, blunt; they're a poor vehicle for communicating just how incredible and important that is to Vax. His body shifts, turning in towards Percy as he grips his shoulder. ]
You aren't disturbing me, Freddie. I—I wouldn't complain about you being here.
[ They are all still dwelling in the wake of that moment when Percy had been gone, dead and cold on the ground. It's different then what had happened to Vex'ahlia. Vax more than anyone is aware of the distinction here. That entire night when they'd all considered the prospect that they wouldn't be able to have retrieve Percy. When Vax had considered that all his pleas to his Lady wouldn't be able to tip the scales back into their favor. ]
Have you slept at all?
[ Maybe if they don't approach the obvious questions head on, this whole thing will be easier. Vax isn't sure exactly how to make this any easier on Percy. Maybe it would have been a mercy if they'd been able to ease his re-entry into the world.
Or maybe Vax should have tried a little harder to make sure Percy had never left this world in the first place. If he'd been more convincing, if he'd been a little stronger—
He's not the only one of Vox Machina who thought this way. He knows that. They had done all they could, but that kind of logic doesn't do much in the face of Percy's unsteadiness and the lingering dread that followed in the wake of the resurrection. ]
[ It's not quite a slap in the face, but it's enough to have Percy lifting his head up again, to look over at the half-elf, eyes flickering for a moment. ]
Are you certain? I don't want to take you away from anything important.
[ As if anything is as important as coming back from the dead. His eyes flick back over to Vax and he breathes out for a moment. He has to count down from ten, to calm himself down, to bring himself back to some kind of rational state of mind - at least then he might be able to handle this again, he might be able to rationalise it completely.
He died. There's nothing that's going to make that better, going to make that okay.
Shaking his head, he reaches out and lets his hands flex for a moment, breathing out softly before he lets his head bow, just a little, feeling a twist of nausea inside of him. ]
No, no, I haven't slept. I was afraid that... [ That he might not wake up. ]
[ Percy knows that he always going to find passion in something dangerous, in something that would push him to his limits. After all the things he's been through he had always known that his longing for something peaceful and settled, something like his parents shared, might not be possible for him. He needs the edge of danger, needs the edge of something that would bring him that intense, desperate passion, and needs to lose himself.
Vax gives him that, and he hopes he gives Vax something similar in return.
He twists, testing the limits of the binds that he's being placed in already. The urge to lean up and steal more kisses is present, and he flushes a little, eyes narrowing as he gazes up at his partner, considering. Sometimes they swap positions, sometimes he is the one doing the binding and tying, but he knows he needs this now. He knows he needs it, needs to be restrained, to feel comfortable and at peace, to give in to the urge to let his mind settle properly and completely.
Slowly, he lets his hips grind up gently, trying to drag his hardening cock against the weight of Vax above him. ]
Please, hurry.
[ Flushed, warm, Percy tilts his head, closing his eyes. ]
[ fingers laced, he pushes vax's hand down, slides it up to where the pillows are going slack and resting them there with only the faintest bit of pressure. it's enough to keep him down in the state he's in, enough to push a bruise where it matters (hidden under a bracer, even if it isn't a secret, a little throbbing reminder.)
vax's skin is cold. it's cold enough that percy feels a surge of desire to warm him, to impress himself like a fire-heated brand to his flesh. ]
I do. But that is for a later date.
[ said with a tenderness and a sharpness meant to set the words in stone. i do owe you. i owe you everything. i should have been better help. i should have done more. his free hand has already started to push down past clothing, fingers curling around him to give a hot stroke of his palm once and then again. when he eyes trail to where vax is, he looks at him over his glasses, close enough here and now that he doesn't fall out of focus, but somehow becomes sharper in how he thrives now, moves. he wants to wring sensation out of him, set him alight, remind him. ]
The only thing that matters in this moment to me is that you are alive.
[ fingers tightening on vax's hand, thumb stroking an old scar as he twists his wrist a little bit from where he's stroking along his cock, thumbing the head of him as he readjusts. a thigh between his legs, keeping them spread for him as he keeps a steady rhythm meant to begin something long and torturous. ] We won't let anything take you away from us. [ not before your time. not even then. never. ]
[ the eagerness is made clear, and percy sighs a bit at the feeling of vax's tongue against his fingertips, grazes his teeth, presses down and back just a little more, feels the warmth and heat of his breath. leaning in, he kisses the corner of his mouth, murmurs softly into his skin there: ]
I do know why you came here, [ he says resolutely, with confidence painting his voice a brilliant color. his index finger slides out, thumb joining it and leaving a trail of saliva to catch along vax's lip. he's hardly debauched, they've only just begun and percy has every intention of making everyone aware that he's ruined vax'ildan for the evening. ] And I have every intention of giving it to you, but you'll have to work for it.
[ pulling back, he eyes vax up and down, thumb still pressed against his lip, fingers curling around to hold his jaw. he appraises him a moment, splayed over his hips trying to rut and find friction, of which he'll find none. the sight of his cock, arousal against his own belly, has him cocking a somewhat self-satisfied smile a bit before he reaches down with that hand and grabs it, squeezes at the base of it tightly, lets a finger stray to press beneath the base of it, against his taint and rub slowly. ] I know you're not the type to ask politely.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hey, spoilers for campaign end
She's done a lot — saved the world, found love, forged lifelong friendships. Won, lost, saved. Became a champion ( still is a champion — and she presumes she will be one for as long as her goddess will have her ). She doesn't have regrets — it'd be stupid, at this point, to have regrets when her life had been so long. But it'd be a lie if she said she wouldn't miss any of it.
( She knows the end is near — Sarenrae as hinted as such, but even before that she can feel it in the very core of her being. She's told Scanlan, of course. Keyleth, too, because it's the least she deserves. They both told her to say hello to the rest. )
Her children ( and her children's children, and those children's children— ) will probably say something if they find her outside again. But here she is, lying down in an inconspicuous patch of grass just at the outskirts of Vasselheim, content to watch the clouds roll by. Her bones creak less when they're still, and her eyes thank her when she closes them to rest.
The next time she opens them, it's because a shadow's been cast in her line of sight. It's likely clouds covering the sun, but the difference is stark enough that she wants to see, just in case. Instead, her vision is filled with feathers, and— ]
Vax?
hey, what the fuck
When he is dispatched to collect each of them in turn, it is both a joyful reunion and guilty affair. Vax can never truly rejoice in guiding one of his family onwards. He is splitting their party further. Knowing this is the natural order of things doesn't take the sting out of each death. It shouldn't be so difficult after all these years, but it still weighs on Vax. Even his Lady's favor doesn't alleviate it for him when he returns to her, places his head in her lap and hears the soft purr of acknowledgement of a job well done.
The sounds of his friends, living and dead, herald the short flight to Pike's side. She has aged. Vax wants to put his fingers into her white hair, and lift her into his arms. He hates to find her alone; Scanlan shouldn't have to find her after Vax has stolen her away from this plane. ]
Hey, Pickle.
[ In one graceful movement, he crumples to the ground beside her. ]
I've really missed you.
[ He tells them all this. He's been telling them one way another, whether it's from the harsh caw from a raven's beak or the appearance of feathers somewhere they shouldn't be. He misses them. Even this most solemn moment can't be divorced from the near crippling pleasure of being in the presence of family one again. ]
love you
It goes without saying that she worried about him. Still worries about him, even when he's here in front of her. She's lived most of her life worrying about her little family — some more than others at certain points, or all of them together at the same time. It's natural, then, that the concern extends to those that aren't with them anymore; she hopes that they are well, that they are happy, that they're not too sad about leaving first. She prays that the planes they inhabit are kind to them, that they don't resent the separation across planes too much.
( Naturally, she thinks about Grog the most. She can only hope that he's happy where ever he is, pursuing his dreams in the single-minded way he does. She misses him terribly. Sometimes, selfishly, she contemplates asking Sarenrae about him.
She never does it. Grog wouldn't want her to, that much she knows. )
Now things will change, she imagines. There's no point in asking why Vax is here, because both of them knew from the moment she opened her eyes. She'll worry about Scanlan, about Keyleth, because they're the last two and — for a moment, she wishes she didn't have to leave. But that is not the natural order of things, and her entire being responds to her calling more than anything else. ]
Hi. [ She smiles. A small thing that grows so much that laughter eventually bubbles out of her lips, unabashedly joyful. It hurts less to sit up, to stand up, to reach immediately for Vax's arm and hold on to it. ] I missed you, too.
[ Pike reaches to fix a stray hair on his face, leans back to study him a little closer. She wants to ask so much. ] Did she treat you well?
SOOOOOZ uhhhh
there's really no need for this. vax is alive, he's even woken up a few times to sit up for a meal or two. she won't take him - remember? the raven queen said as much didn't she?
but resurrection takes it's payment and then some on a body. percy still stands in the doorway when it's his turn, arms folded loosely over his chest, pike meeting his eyes with a small, sweet smile as she eventually hops off with a great heave of her mighty shoulders. he barely feels her when she taps him on the way out, a lingering touch of warmth that maybe is supposed to be comforting but only leaves him feeling like he could have done so much more if he wasn't so... godsdamned useless back there.
his expression withers just a little bit as he glances at the bed, disturbed sheets and chair looking clinically cold in the corner. he has two choices, so he takes the one in between, finding purchase to sit on the edge of the bed furthest from vax, elbows on his knees, hunched over. ]
Are you asleep? [ he asks the room, wondering if he'll even get an answer. ]
screams
There are still moments when he feels so, so cold. It's kept at bay when his sister and Keyleth are weaving braids and beads into his hair, or as Grog grips his ankle and talks about what they'll do next, where they'll go next, or when Pike's soft glow washes over him and Tary's voice drives out the worst of his worries. But a single absence is noted, even among Vax's other, less pleasant occupations. When Pike leaves, he expects Grog back, but when he opens his eyes again he finds his present visitor perched far from him. He isn't fully certain of how much time has passed, and blinks blearily at Percy before unfurling slightly, pushing up on the pillow to stall the slow, drowsy slide back into unconsciousness and nightmares. ]
Mostly.
[ For the moment, at least. ]
You look like shit.
[ Unspoken in the silence behind that: why? ]
no subject
lifting one hand to his ear, he feigns speaking into the earring: ]
Pot? [ he nods sagely ] Why yes, hello, this is kettle, speaking. Might I say you're looking just as awful, if not worse.
[ he keeps his voice low, but the hint of a chuckle is buried there somewhere underneath the pacing's exhaustion he can feel in his knees now. he knows how vax'ildan feels - death has no mercy. and to be pulled is both an honor and a trial. he reaches those same fingers over now and touches one of the woven in strings of beads in vax's hair, a tenderness finding the creases in his temples and at his eyes. he takes up a few strands of hair in his fingers, long and errant, out of place. ]
I've no comfort in the way of magic to offer you, [ as if he was supposed to come here bearing gifts. ] No beads, and my reading voice leaves quite a lot to be desired.
[ he babbles. it's all he has. he scoots closer regardless and presses his lips very quietly in the dark to his hair. ]
no subject
Good thing our family has already brought me all of that.
[ Vax's hand trips along Percy's hip as he leans further forward, sinking slightly into the mattress. ]
I thought you weren't coming.
[ Though even as Vax says this, his expression clouds in faint confusion. He hasn't made much sense of time. Sleep has muddled everything. Has it been long? Has he imagined that the rotation of those he loves the most was lacking Percy? ]
I'm glad you're here, [ He continues, tone decisive. ] I'm sure you'll think of some way to distract me from having nearly been eaten.
no subject
I was being very selfish.
[ honesty. ]
I wanted to be the last to see you.
[ affection. ]
I... [ oh he's awful at this. he knows it. working through his words on the spot only gets him so far with people who don't know him as well as vax'ildan or the rest of vox machina. he slides a hand fully through his hair now, rests the heel of his palm on vax's cheek, looking him over - dark eyes and sharp expressions gone slack with exhaustion, so much so that it makes him ache thinking he's hurt so much. he doesn't have to lean much now, close as he is, to press a kiss just at the center of his forehead. he lets his thumb stroke a slow line over the rise of his cheekbone. ] I can't tell you enough how... relieved I am that you've returned to us. [ to me feels too much.
so instead he punctuates - a kiss to the tip of his nose, to the warmth of his mouth, steady and lingering. ]
no subject
What happens when She calls and he finds himself unable to do anything but answer? How does he leave them?
But that's not a question he has to answer for himself today. The kiss breaks on a yawn, then a self-satisfied grin. The smugness of the expression doesn't hide the tenderness in Vax's eyes; Percy's words wedge like a blade into his chest. Vax knows all Percy's charm doesn't make it easy for him to say. ]
As if you could be rid of me that easily.
[ Deflecting. What else does he say? He finds himself at a loss in the wake of Percy's admission. Their usual brand of selfishness doesn't feel like this. Every gentle sweep of Percy's fingers and press of his mouth has Vax shuddering, body heating in spite of the memory of cold. ]
Stay here, please. For tonight.
[ Vax very much doubts they'd manage the entire night without their family drifting in again. At the least, Keyleth wouldn't stay away. But Vax is reluctant to surrender this particular closeness. ]
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Of course, [ he mumbles it out mid-motion, settling in at the tail end of the word and kicking blankets up because if he's going to make a thorough job of this then he wants to be as close as humanly possible.
a rarity.
the de rolos were never a touchy sort of family, but vox machina has made percy crave it like most flowers crave the light, yawning towards each touch like it feeds him at the depths of his tattered soul. he rests his face into the black halo of vax's hair, a hand on his face sliding down to smooth over his arm now as he pulls him close. ]
No more oceans for a while. That was... absolutely terrifying. [ the kraken? losing you. ]
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I'm not planning on going swimming any time soon.
[ His fingers trail down the nape of Percy's neck, tuck beneath his collar. They're all made of scars by now, despite Keyleth and Pike (and Scanlan, Vax's thoughts stutter over the name) and Vex'ahlia's best efforts. They all had so many ways to ward against pain, but the scars lingered. Vax can count his own, ropey and ugly, across his body. He hasn't checked to see what the Kraken left him as a gift. ]
How did it feel when you...how did it feel on Glintshore?
[ As Vax lobs out this particularly difficult question, he draws his legs up, ankles bracing on the bedding as his thighs bracket Percy's hips. It's almost like Vax anticipates some withdrawal, and his body instinctively moves to keep him held tightly. ]
polymachina but vax gets nailed in the bath scene instead /drops mic
slams into this prompt like a fuckin truck.
It's too late to raise the idea of going out again. They're all tired. They're all tapped. Vax knows that the moment has passed, and even the grace of his Lady won't stretch far enough to give him what he needs. Resting and regrouping is all that can be done, but every time Vax tries to consider settling, the prospect slips from his fingers.
He leaves his tub. Naked, he slips silently through the corridor. There's a half-formed impulse in his head to find someone to bicker with. Grog would be ideal, but Grog isn't in the baths. Almost without thinking, Vax moves like a shadow through the massive chamber until he finds Percy, and climbs in without a single word.
There isn't quite enough room to avoid contact right off the bat. Their ankles knock together, calves brushing. Vax raises an eyebrow at him, and says nothing, waiting for Percy to react. ]
/is doa
vax is just a slight smudge on the other end of the tub, fogged over by his lack of glasses, but he doesn't need to see vax to know what this might be about.
he shifts a little more, this time to sit up, sliding wet fingers through his hair. ]
Can I help you? [ dryly, as if he knows. ] Need some help reaching your back? Can I offer you some sort of complimentary hair washing? [ his hands return to the sides of the tub, as if he's considering getting up. in truth, he's not. perish the thought, the bath is comfortable and vax's presence doesn't deaden that. ]
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Pain... [ a pause, slow as he sinks fingers into vax's hair, presses a soft kiss to his temples and murmurs: ] Being consumed... I was being eaten. Every fiber of my... just... devoured slowly and painfully, I...
[ he presses his forehead to vax's, brow drawing down tight. ]
It felt like there would be an end... that it would end only when I was gone. Truly. Completely. Gone... perhaps this answer isn't the clearest, but I've tried not to think about it. [ he smoothes an errant hair back, inky black curled around his finger, mixed in with the stray beads that vax has braided into his hair, the feathers from his sister a stark teal in contrast. ] Did you hear her? The Raven Queen? See her?
snaps you over my knee
I was thinking that the service here was lacking.
[ His ankle knocks against Percy's, too hard for it to be an accident. ]
Nothing to say, Percival?
[ Goading Percy into something ill-advised isn't anything new, but in the wake of everything, of death and dragons and what Vax still saw as a crucial missed opportunity, there's a certain deliberate edge to the provocation. Vax needs something to rattle the adrenaline out of his system. Arguing with Percy has been that outlet before. The softening of things between them might not quite extend to this. ]
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Impulsively, Vax lifts his head to catch Percy's mouth. He lets the kiss linger, drag out slowly, as his fingers tighten on Percy's neck. It's a good distraction. It's a better comfort, maybe, than anything Vax could say about Percy's brief time spent dead. He knows what he'd asked. And it helps less than Vax thought it would. His own absence from this world hadn't been the same. He nips Percy's lower lip, then lets his head thunk back on the pillow, draws in a deep breath. ]
I was with her. I think I was with her.
[ Vax has the lingering impression of soft hands, a white mask, feathers brushing his face. ]
It's hard to remember, Percy.
[ There was time missing. His fingers tap anxiously along Percy's nape, hook the collar of his shirt indecisively. ]
But I think she had me. I don't remember...nothing felt urgent.
[ And that is perhaps what Vax finds most troubling; there had been no crushing need to return. Surely that would have made itself known? ]
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[ goaded he is, but percy won't let it filter into rage, rather snaps back with a certain easiness as he slides his fingertips over porcelain, lets the waist-deep, warm water sound off and splash against the sides of the bath. vax'ildan is infuriating, absolutely ruinous in the way he dumps himself into each and every situation, making percy's hackles raise and his pulse hammer, hot in his throat like a forge. ]
Or would you prefer I fill your time with something more worth while?
[ vax'ildan is a rogue, for certain, but percival is still quick, moving in to pin him against his edge of the tub, arm bracketing his throat as he slides between his legs. the water upsets itself over the sides of the vessel and he doesn't quite kiss him, rather, mouths words over his lips. ]
You never say what it is you want. I would like for you to tell me what you want, Vax. [ without his spectacles, percy's eyes are a brilliant blue, nearly electric as he lets one hand trail downwards just a bit to clasp vax's knee beneath the water almost tenderly. ]
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Don't you know?
[ Vax's hands rake down Percy's back, seeking purchase but instead just scraping over soapy skin. He likes the muscles there, how they flex beneath his hands as Percy bears down on him. Beneath his weight, Vax squirms, giving the suggestion of escape even as his heel knocks encouragingly against Percy's calf. ]
I'd think you'd be able to come up with an accurate guess, Percival.
[ Even as he says this, Vax knows Percy isn't going to make this so easy for him. And that's just as well. Vax came here looking for a fight, looking to burn away adrenaline by losing to someone safely, and these days it's easy to say he's safe with Percy. His fingers dig into Percy's hips, trying to pull him downwards as he strains to get better contact with Percy's mouth. ]
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[ said low, like a secret. it's just the two of them here, but percy is quiet all the same, as if he might incur the wrath of someone who might mistake his laying atop vax for him trying to strangle him in the middle of the night (it's happened, or maybe he'd simply dreamed it during their more volatile times.) ]
You're fidgety, [ an off-handed remark, feeling the way fingers tap along his nape, against the bones and his pulse, where the top of his spine starts.
so he shifts a bit, bracing himself on his hands and lowering again to press a lingering kiss on the corner of his mouth where trouble and thought curl themselves together in a shape that percy knows well. ] Tell me what I can do to put you at ease besides staying here with you. Vex knows I'm the last to come see you. She'll ask me whether I've harassed you or disturbed you from your sleep and I want to make sure that whatever answer I give her is both truthful and completely your idea.
[ a lie: i just want to give you what you need. i have no gifts. ]
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There are moments, many of them, when Vax feels as if he is partially absent from this world. Sleep hasn't swept that sense away from him. He is aware now more than ever of who he serves. He is aware of how easy it would be to slip away from his family. These are hard things to hold in his mind. They're easier kept at bay when his friends are close to him; Percy's bulk does the trick in the moment. It grounds him here, reminds him that his life has been clawed back at what he suspects was a dear price.
There's no answer immediately. Vax's head turns to find Percy's mouth again and kiss him softly, almost chastely. ]
Wear me out, [ he says finally, unsure if that's exactly what he wants but it's about as close as he can come without trying to verbalize the sense of displacement and the lingering weight of his Lady's hold on him. ] Please.
[ Out of everyone, Percy's the best candidate for indulging him in this. Grog might have been good for it, if he weren't so thoroughly cowed by Pike. But Percy is good for taking him apart and putting him back together. They've taught each other enough of that over time. ]
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[ more than a few. and half of them not quite ideas so much as they are fully-fledged desires that vax immediately conjures to mind with his fingers raking down his back so, dragging down to his hips, urging him closer. he keeps his grip on the edge of the tub firm, not allowing himself to be dragged down. instead, the hand on vax's knee brings his leg up just a bit more, to wrap around the shelf of his hip and to press them close. he won't be brought down so much as he'll bring vax towards him. ]
You came here looking for trouble, [ he says, nose brushing softly against his, eyes narrowed just a bit, edging on playful but wrought with arousal all the same as he presses vax further back against the bath. the hand on the edge slides up to grasp his hair, to wind it around his knuckles and to pull slowly to bare his neck. the motions are slow, barely stirring the water as he presses in close, makes it agonizingly take more time than it needs to.
because if there is one thing percy is, it's thorough. every fingertip has proper placement, ever slight adjustment in his hips is meant to stir him up a little more. ] And I suppose I'd best give it to you or you'll go looking for it elsewhere. And I can't have that.
[ when he kisses him, it's bruising and without a warning. ]
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If that will please you.
[ a quiet assent that is met with the sound of blankets being pulled away, clothing being pushed aside bit by bit. every inch of flesh revealed is drawn over by fingertips, skimming underneath to pull his shirt up, smoothing along elbows and forearms to draw it down and away onto the floor again.
they're always told to leave their freshly risen friends to their rest.
unfortunately percival and vax find it difficult to do so. a resonance and disembodied sensation in skin and muscle once soft with death. a dissociation between this world and the last, life and death, existing and ceasing to be. that last breath is painful, that last breath is like a fist around the lungs before everything becomes dark and otherworldly.
when he kisses him on the mouth again, it's less chaste than vax's, a promise to wear him out signed and sealed as he pushes under the blankets himself now and lets the line of vax's body carefully come to rest flush to his. the kraken had left bruises in its wake, long and winding ugly things that still feel tender that percy aims to just barely graze his cool fingertips over. ]
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When their mouths meet, Vax bites him. Goading, provocative, as one hand clumsily scrapes for purchase against the side of the tub and the other scores four scratches down Percy's shoulderblade. It's accidental, though Vax wouldn't be believed if he'd protested. ]
Come on, [ Vax hisses. ] Don't be coy, Percival.
[ He lifts his foot to dig his heel into Percy's thigh, try to leverage himself closer than Percy's allowing for at the moment. Knowing he's going to get what he wants from this makes Vax insufferable, deliberately so. He knows Percy won't be rushed. They've been entangled long enough for Vax to understand how this will go, but it doesn't quell his impatience, or the urge to needle at Percy until he can't. ]
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The Deathwalker's Ward blunted some of the damage, but the end result is still written across his skin in vivid purples and greens. He shudders when Percy touches them, gasping quietly against his mouth. Vax has carried bruises in one form of another all of his life, but this particular set comes bound up in a sucking, cold darkness, the inside of a gaping maw and the knowledge that somewhere close by his family is struggling onwards with an impossible battle.
They are still in the midst of an impossible battle, and for a moment, when he'd felt the tug of Pike's attention and the slow-rising whispers of his friends' voices, he hadn't understood why he would be called back. He makes a low, pained noise as Percy's fingers map out the marks left behind, and flattens his hand over Percy's before he can pull away. ]
That's good.
[ Not exactly, but the sensation isn't unwelcome. There are moments when Vax thinks he will never care how he's being touched by any of them, so long as they put their hands on him. He feel that way now, aware of a slow-growing desperation for anything Percy will give him. ]
It doesn't hurt, [ he amends, quieter, cocooned beneath the blankets with Percy's body tucked in alongside him. ] You don't have to be overly gentle.
post-ripley as promised.
There's a part of him that thinks that he can feel the barrel of a gun against his head even though that is complete nonsense; he had no sense of the world when her gun had been against him. The darkness of Orthax, the panic of dropping down, knowing he forgave her and feeling that bliss of freedom, knowing that he had done something good even in the midst of all that mess and uncertainty, knowing that -
He hadn't been sure that he would come back, but here he is.
He's still incredibly tired, but there's a sense of buzzing energy under him, in his limbs, that has him climbing out of bed in the middle of the night. He's exhausted but he wants something more, wants to do something, and he goes and walks, seeking something. What Percy wants is to be grounded, to be given something that might anchor him to this world, more than the magic of a resurrection ritual, more than the words in his ears, soft and gentle and real. He had made the choice to come back and he does not regret it, but...
There's something else. He wants something else. He needs to feel alive again.
It doesn't take long for him to find what he's looking for, hands pressed palm flat against the door before he breathes out, lifting a hand, knocking, once, twice, three times. Sharp, aristocratic. Obvious. ]
Vax.
a blessing
Back in Whitestone, the jittery aftermath still impresses itself upon them. They had nearly paid a terrible price for the dagger that sits on Vax's hip, for the cloak they had pulled from Ripley's body. Vax had tread down to the temple Percy had made for him and prayed, fumbling over thanks that he wonders was not best lavished entirely on Pike. Faith comes slowly, even when he feels ghostly fingers dance up the nape of his neck and guide him out of the temple. He still feels them lingering as he carefully removes the Deathwalker's Ward piece by piece.
And then, the knock. ]
You look terrible, [ is the first thing Vax tells him, though the humor falls flat in spite of his intentions. So he continues, pressing: ] I know you're supposed to be resting.
[ The door opens as he says this, Vax stepping aside in unspoken invitation. It's Percy's castle, of course, but beyond that, he's at Vax's door for a reason. Vax is content to wait for it, and to push Percy into his own bed in hopes of him falling asleep before he manages to get to it. ]
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he squeezes a hand against his thigh and pulls from the kiss briefly. ]
I have no plans on being coy, nor do I plan on being delicate. I promise.
[ and fingers slip downwards into the water a moment, finding the warmth of his cock, circling it briefly before dipping lower and lower. ]
I will take you apart precisely how I want and you'll say nothing of it unless you'd like me to haul you out of this bath myself with nothing to show for it.
[ pressing with a knuckle against the sensitive spot before his entrance, thin, hot skin, and skimming only faintly there. he's bearing in shoulders to cage him close to the edge of the bath, thumb stroking along where he's fisting fingers in his hair still like a lead. ] Are we understood?
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There's a particular way Percy handles anything: Vax, his guns, unknown relics. He touches as if cataloging, as if prying out the secrets of an items and how it fits together. As he touches Vax, it leaves him with the sense that Percy is learning him down to sinew and bone. Vax's entire body shocks at the sensation of Percy's fingers on his cock and then lower, intent broadcast and sealed with fingers clutched in Vax's damp hair. His mouth falls open, wind momentarily knocked out of him before he answers Percy with a slow, pleased grin. ]
When have you ever known me to be that well-behaved?
[ Though there is, as ever, a line that Vax will dance along without crossing. He wants what Percy is offering. Being unceremoniously dumped out of the tub is the last thing Vax wants when Percy is promising to excise every lingering regret and jitter of the battle they'd dragged themselves through this day.
This is how they remind each other that they are alive. Vax knows that, even as his nails scrape red lines across Percy's shoulder while he tries to lever himself back up to get at Percy's mouth. Inevitably, it means Percy's hand in his hair pulls taut, sending stinging pricks of pain sparking down Vax's spine, but it doesn't deter him. ]
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What he wants, he thinks, is to wrap his arms around Vax and just hold on, to badger some kind of sympathy for him, but he cannot quite give himself the confidence to do that. Instead he thinks he might be able to ply company with a good bottle of whiskey and some desperation, his eyes flickering and wide before he manages himself, standing a little taller, forcing himself to be Percival rather than just Percy.
That might make all this a little easier. ]
I was resting. It just wasn't... Restful.
[ Which sounds utterly ridiculous, but he thinks Vax might understand.
Slipping inside, Percy sighs and twitches a little, hesitating. He wants, something, but his voice seems to be caught in his throat. Instead he coughs, reaching to his belt and tugging off the bottle, as if that was his intention the entire time, as if his mind was not wandering at all. ]
Drink?
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But he's quiet, closes the door behind him and gestures to his room. ]
Make yourself comfortable.
[ Whatever conclusions Vax has drawn about Percy's presence in his room, he keeps it to himself. He takes the bottle and works it open, swigs from it rather than make any pretense at finding a cup.
And he doesn't pose the question until after they've both had a swig or two: ]
Are you going to talk to me about it?
[ Though Vax is almost entirely certain Percy did not come here to talk. ]
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Hesitating, his hands shake as he looks at the bottle he brought with him, lifting a hand to run through his hair. ]
Thank you.
[ But it's not really enough, is it? Just drinking. It won't make all the fear and uncertainty completely disappear, and he turns back to look at the other man, hesitating for a moment before he forces himself to breathe out and relax. He has to have control of himself, even if he doesn't think he might be able to.
Bowing his head, he frowns. ]
I'm not sure there's much to talk about.
[ He died, and now he is alive. That is that. ]
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[ and the feeling of vax's nails raking down his wet skin is heaven just as he says this, enough to get him to sigh pleasantly into vax's mouth as they kiss again. he lets vax pull as much as he wants, doesn't shift his hand to accommodate him, rather, forces him to work through the bite of having his hair pulled. ]
Which is why you've come to me, clearly.
[ for the discipline (not the case, but part of the act). as if percy has any of his own, as if all he has is pent up energy and thrumming muscles and the desire to take vax right now. but he waits, biting down on the warm swell of his lower lip, enough to bruise, enough to really hurt as he pins him to the bath and knees his thighs apart, loosens the hand in his hair to slowly trail down the lines of his torso, over skin, mottled and broken in places, scarred over and claimed by an entity far greater than they themselves could dream.
but that's enough. enough enough enough. no thoughts about what might be, what's looming in the distance.
instead he draws fingers up against vax's lips as he leans in close, thumbs the seam of his mouth now wet from the kiss. ]
Open up.
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It's always worth it to kiss Percy. He comes away with a new bruise, tonguing the sore spot on his lip as Percy touches him, manhandles him satisfyingly. Vax's hands grab at his biceps, gripping as Percy's fingers smooth their way across his skin. Nothing can possibly be new to Percy, but the way he observes, detached, lights Vax up. The intimation of a claim, anchoring him here, Vax needs that very much.
He will never know how to ask for it. Maybe Percy knows that, divined it and learned how to give it to him. It wouldn't be a surprise. ]
I—
[ There's a comical moment where Vax's mouth opens to impart something likely sarcastic, then closes before Percy can proceed. Vax watches him for a moment, assessing, before making a decision and parting his lips, sliding down just a little in the bath in vague hopes of getting closer to some sort of friction.
Percy hasn't left him a lot of room. He's put himself between Vax's thighs, but there's nowhere to go, nothing to rut up against. Clever, and irritating. Par for the course with Percy, really. ]
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[ leaning in, he presses his mouth to vax's, a solid weight to the kiss, one that tells him of just how alive he is, how warm he will be soon enough, how beloved he is for all of the shit he talks, tongue like a knife. one hand on his belly, the other skimming up to slide through his hair, to thumb the feathers vex'ahlia has braided into place, shock of blue in the dark. ] I want to give this to you.
[ a reminder that he's alive, a reminder that — ]
You are ours.
[ soft and against his mouth, kissed lingeringly, then his jaw, his throat. ]
I'll show you.
[ with a hand trailing down past those bruises, over the line of his hips, against the waistline of loose sleep clothes. ]
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We could talk about why you're here.
[ Vax doesn't reach to touch him, but he turns in towards Percy. The urge to reach out is written all over him. ]
It's late, Freddie.
[ Which isn't an invitation to leave, but it is a tell in and of itself. If Percy were alright, he'd be asleep. After everything, after Glintshore and Orthax, it doesn't seem strange that something's keeping Percy up at night. It's just hard to know how to help, which of his instincts to trust. They'd only barely begun repairing their friendship. It leaves Vax in a strange position, wanting to help but not quite steady enough to know where to begin. ]
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But what Percy says—
Vax groans, breath catching in his throat. Percy uttering that claim, words snagging and hooking into his belly. You are ours. The statement, something Vax has always known, lances through him. He feels tears pricking at his eyes. He'd almost been gone. If he hadn't come back, if She hadn't given him back... ]
You don't owe me, I just...please.
[ His fingers lace through Percy's, clutch on tightly. ]
Keep saying that.
[ Nothing he doesn't know, but something he still wants to hear. He wants Percy to bite that truth into his skin: that he belongs to Vox Machina, that their claim on him is strong enough to anchor him even in the face of his patron. Percy's determined to be gentle, and maybe that's the sensible approach, but all it means is that Vax clings on to him even more tightly. He wants to draw Percy over him, wants to claw his way inside Percy's bones.
At his throat, the sensation of Percy's lips still burn. Every place he touches, the sensation of Percy's hands and mouth linger. Vax should have asked him: is this chill normal? How long had it taken for Percy to shake it off? Had anything besides another set of hands been able to drive it away? ]
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[ soft, not an ounce demeaning more than it is gentle praise as he slides thumb and then forefinger into his mouth. he parts vax's lips and presses in closer just as he tries to slide down further. if vax wants friction, he'll hike him into his lap, one hand now slipping down beneath the water to grip the small of his back, to press him up against the heat of his cock, at attention and pressing against the cleft of his ass warmly. ]
Now what to do with you...
[ pressing down against his tongue, thumb grazing along his teeth, his other hand keeps vax steadily planted in his lap. his own cock is aching for some kind of release, to fuck into his warmth, to encounter the heat of his mouth (clever tongue that he has), to have him clutching the edges of the bath and begging until the water is chilled... but he takes his time. the long game is a favorite of percy's after all.
but undoing vax comes in as a close second. it may even be neck and neck at this point as he shifts fingers, middle and ring, into his mouth and commands. ]
Put your mouth to good use. Suck.
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But the end result is always—
There is something about being taken apart by Percy that destroys Vax every time. Percy's methodical about it. It isn't a surprise that by now Percy can look at Vax and know exactly which chords to pluck to shatter him apart. They've taught each other. They learned when their tumbles were far more vicious and far more likely to wound. Vax's teeth on Percy's knuckles are a pale echo of that, biting down even as his tongue laves at the callouses on Percy's fingers, sucking rather than sniping around the fingers Percy presses farther into his mouth.
He doesn't gag. Not yet, at least. That's not Percy's game at the moment.
He holds Percy's gaze as he thrusts up against the flat planes of Percy's belly. It's not much of anything, too slick from the water while Vax is held too close to manage much motion. His fingers dig in hard at the nape of Percy's neck as he groans, muffled and impatient. ]
it's glorious. it's gilmore.
i'm gonna murder you.
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We could, but must we?
[ Bowing his head, he breathes in and out gently before he shakes his head. ]
Do you want me to go? I didn't want to disturb you, I only -
[ He wanted something. He wanted something to anchor him, to make him feel better, squeezing his hands tight together. Taking his glass, he downs the emtire thing before he rests his face in his hands. ]
This is just - a mess.
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It might have been foolish. Vax hadn't thought it through beyond wanting Percy's hands on his body and the ugly, burning need to dig bruises into his skin. So often these days, Vax feels on the verge of shattering apart. The cold brush of the Raven Queen's attentions weighs on him. He chokes on the words to explain it, and stalls over his own apprehensions. The least complicated thing in his life is the steady burn of anger he feels for Percy, and when they collide in the wake of this stupid, foolish tussle with a band of mercenaries, all Vax can think is—
Finally.
Has he missed this? The question circles round and round his head that first time, he and Percy crashing into each other in more of a fight than anything else. Vax comes away with a fat lip and Percy's sporting an ugly bruise along his jaw, and it should have been just the once, but it isn't.
Which is why Vax is spending his night this way, weight dropped into the cradle of Percy's hips as he securely knots Percy's wrists together. Vax's heart is hammering in his chest, mouth bruised, but there's something grounding in doing this, just paying attention to Percy beneath him rather than thinking about how the world is caving in around them all. ]
Stop squirming.
[ As if Vax isn't equally guilty of being constant motion, hurtling towards Percy and away like a shot. ]
I'm almost done.
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[ The words are simple, blunt; they're a poor vehicle for communicating just how incredible and important that is to Vax. His body shifts, turning in towards Percy as he grips his shoulder. ]
You aren't disturbing me, Freddie. I—I wouldn't complain about you being here.
[ They are all still dwelling in the wake of that moment when Percy had been gone, dead and cold on the ground. It's different then what had happened to Vex'ahlia. Vax more than anyone is aware of the distinction here. That entire night when they'd all considered the prospect that they wouldn't be able to have retrieve Percy. When Vax had considered that all his pleas to his Lady wouldn't be able to tip the scales back into their favor. ]
Have you slept at all?
[ Maybe if they don't approach the obvious questions head on, this whole thing will be easier. Vax isn't sure exactly how to make this any easier on Percy. Maybe it would have been a mercy if they'd been able to ease his re-entry into the world.
Or maybe Vax should have tried a little harder to make sure Percy had never left this world in the first place. If he'd been more convincing, if he'd been a little stronger—
He's not the only one of Vox Machina who thought this way. He knows that. They had done all they could, but that kind of logic doesn't do much in the face of Percy's unsteadiness and the lingering dread that followed in the wake of the resurrection. ]
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[ It's not quite a slap in the face, but it's enough to have Percy lifting his head up again, to look over at the half-elf, eyes flickering for a moment. ]
Are you certain? I don't want to take you away from anything important.
[ As if anything is as important as coming back from the dead. His eyes flick back over to Vax and he breathes out for a moment. He has to count down from ten, to calm himself down, to bring himself back to some kind of rational state of mind - at least then he might be able to handle this again, he might be able to rationalise it completely.
He died. There's nothing that's going to make that better, going to make that okay.
Shaking his head, he reaches out and lets his hands flex for a moment, breathing out softly before he lets his head bow, just a little, feeling a twist of nausea inside of him. ]
No, no, I haven't slept. I was afraid that... [ That he might not wake up. ]
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Vax gives him that, and he hopes he gives Vax something similar in return.
He twists, testing the limits of the binds that he's being placed in already. The urge to lean up and steal more kisses is present, and he flushes a little, eyes narrowing as he gazes up at his partner, considering. Sometimes they swap positions, sometimes he is the one doing the binding and tying, but he knows he needs this now. He knows he needs it, needs to be restrained, to feel comfortable and at peace, to give in to the urge to let his mind settle properly and completely.
Slowly, he lets his hips grind up gently, trying to drag his hardening cock against the weight of Vax above him. ]
Please, hurry.
[ Flushed, warm, Percy tilts his head, closing his eyes. ]
Vax...
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vax's skin is cold. it's cold enough that percy feels a surge of desire to warm him, to impress himself like a fire-heated brand to his flesh. ]
I do. But that is for a later date.
[ said with a tenderness and a sharpness meant to set the words in stone. i do owe you. i owe you everything. i should have been better help. i should have done more. his free hand has already started to push down past clothing, fingers curling around him to give a hot stroke of his palm once and then again. when he eyes trail to where vax is, he looks at him over his glasses, close enough here and now that he doesn't fall out of focus, but somehow becomes sharper in how he thrives now, moves. he wants to wring sensation out of him, set him alight, remind him. ]
The only thing that matters in this moment to me is that you are alive.
[ fingers tightening on vax's hand, thumb stroking an old scar as he twists his wrist a little bit from where he's stroking along his cock, thumbing the head of him as he readjusts. a thigh between his legs, keeping them spread for him as he keeps a steady rhythm meant to begin something long and torturous. ] We won't let anything take you away from us. [ not before your time. not even then. never. ]
smut but make it 8 months late
I do know why you came here, [ he says resolutely, with confidence painting his voice a brilliant color. his index finger slides out, thumb joining it and leaving a trail of saliva to catch along vax's lip. he's hardly debauched, they've only just begun and percy has every intention of making everyone aware that he's ruined vax'ildan for the evening. ] And I have every intention of giving it to you, but you'll have to work for it.
[ pulling back, he eyes vax up and down, thumb still pressed against his lip, fingers curling around to hold his jaw. he appraises him a moment, splayed over his hips trying to rut and find friction, of which he'll find none. the sight of his cock, arousal against his own belly, has him cocking a somewhat self-satisfied smile a bit before he reaches down with that hand and grabs it, squeezes at the base of it tightly, lets a finger stray to press beneath the base of it, against his taint and rub slowly. ] I know you're not the type to ask politely.