[ Even now, reconciled beyond all the dark anger that Vax had carried for months after the incident in the tomb, their habit has always been to needle and challenge. They're still as likely to bite as anything else. But in the wake of such a close call, of being helpless in the face of something so large and so powerful, there's nothing else to do but be soft with each other. Vax's mouth opens under Percy's, yielding as he catches hold of his shirt, wrinkles the fabric beneath his hand. It's easier to sink into the kiss than to try to explain the sensation of spinning in the vast empty space where his goddess dwelled, of the dual urges to linger even with the voices of his family and Pike's presence pulling him back.
What happens when She calls and he finds himself unable to do anything but answer? How does he leave them?
But that's not a question he has to answer for himself today. The kiss breaks on a yawn, then a self-satisfied grin. The smugness of the expression doesn't hide the tenderness in Vax's eyes; Percy's words wedge like a blade into his chest. Vax knows all Percy's charm doesn't make it easy for him to say. ]
As if you could be rid of me that easily.
[ Deflecting. What else does he say? He finds himself at a loss in the wake of Percy's admission. Their usual brand of selfishness doesn't feel like this. Every gentle sweep of Percy's fingers and press of his mouth has Vax shuddering, body heating in spite of the memory of cold. ]
Stay here, please. For tonight.
[ Vax very much doubts they'd manage the entire night without their family drifting in again. At the least, Keyleth wouldn't stay away. But Vax is reluctant to surrender this particular closeness. ]
[ they'll all pile in eventually, it's in their nature. they're drawn to each other like magnets of different shape and size at this point, always coming back to one another. something in percy's heart drops like a stone into the pit of his stomach at the realization that they'd nearly lost him. and sure, the raven queen is an entity unto herself, willing this and that for her own demands, but... ]
Of course, [ he mumbles it out mid-motion, settling in at the tail end of the word and kicking blankets up because if he's going to make a thorough job of this then he wants to be as close as humanly possible.
a rarity.
the de rolos were never a touchy sort of family, but vox machina has made percy crave it like most flowers crave the light, yawning towards each touch like it feeds him at the depths of his tattered soul. he rests his face into the black halo of vax's hair, a hand on his face sliding down to smooth over his arm now as he pulls him close. ]
No more oceans for a while. That was... absolutely terrifying. [ the kraken? losing you. ]
[ With a soft groan, Vax disrupts Percy's positioning, leaning onto his back, dragging Percy along with him. He wants the warm weight of Percy over him, like a weight to pin him here and ward against nightmares, against the fear of slipping away in the night. He remembers enough. He remembers his Lady's face. It's a large task for anyone to stand between him and Her, but Vax thinks he's earned the right to be indulged. ]
I'm not planning on going swimming any time soon.
[ His fingers trail down the nape of Percy's neck, tuck beneath his collar. They're all made of scars by now, despite Keyleth and Pike (and Scanlan, Vax's thoughts stutter over the name) and Vex'ahlia's best efforts. They all had so many ways to ward against pain, but the scars lingered. Vax can count his own, ropey and ugly, across his body. He hasn't checked to see what the Kraken left him as a gift. ]
How did it feel when you...how did it feel on Glintshore?
[ As Vax lobs out this particularly difficult question, he draws his legs up, ankles bracing on the bedding as his thighs bracket Percy's hips. It's almost like Vax anticipates some withdrawal, and his body instinctively moves to keep him held tightly. ]
[ vax traps him quite soundly: first when he draws him over his body and slides fingers down the sensitive nape of his neck, second when he frames his hips with his thighs. he settles in despite the question, seems to press in even more because vax isn't the only one who's asked him this, and while the answer is stilted and uncomfortable to deliver, sends his skin crawling at the memory of it, he doesn't deny him. ]
Pain... [ a pause, slow as he sinks fingers into vax's hair, presses a soft kiss to his temples and murmurs: ] Being consumed... I was being eaten. Every fiber of my... just... devoured slowly and painfully, I...
[ he presses his forehead to vax's, brow drawing down tight. ]
It felt like there would be an end... that it would end only when I was gone. Truly. Completely. Gone... perhaps this answer isn't the clearest, but I've tried not to think about it. [ he smoothes an errant hair back, inky black curled around his finger, mixed in with the stray beads that vax has braided into his hair, the feathers from his sister a stark teal in contrast. ] Did you hear her? The Raven Queen? See her?
[ Vax is very quiet. One heel lifts to dig into the back of Percy's thigh while he considers that answer and tries to come up with one of his own.
Impulsively, Vax lifts his head to catch Percy's mouth. He lets the kiss linger, drag out slowly, as his fingers tighten on Percy's neck. It's a good distraction. It's a better comfort, maybe, than anything Vax could say about Percy's brief time spent dead. He knows what he'd asked. And it helps less than Vax thought it would. His own absence from this world hadn't been the same. He nips Percy's lower lip, then lets his head thunk back on the pillow, draws in a deep breath. ]
I was with her. I think I was with her.
[ Vax has the lingering impression of soft hands, a white mask, feathers brushing his face. ]
It's hard to remember, Percy.
[ There was time missing. His fingers tap anxiously along Percy's nape, hook the collar of his shirt indecisively. ]
But I think she had me. I don't remember...nothing felt urgent.
[ And that is perhaps what Vax finds most troubling; there had been no crushing need to return. Surely that would have made itself known? ]
Perhaps she knows how much we need you and every dagger you've got to spare us.
[ said low, like a secret. it's just the two of them here, but percy is quiet all the same, as if he might incur the wrath of someone who might mistake his laying atop vax for him trying to strangle him in the middle of the night (it's happened, or maybe he'd simply dreamed it during their more volatile times.) ]
You're fidgety, [ an off-handed remark, feeling the way fingers tap along his nape, against the bones and his pulse, where the top of his spine starts.
so he shifts a bit, bracing himself on his hands and lowering again to press a lingering kiss on the corner of his mouth where trouble and thought curl themselves together in a shape that percy knows well. ] Tell me what I can do to put you at ease besides staying here with you. Vex knows I'm the last to come see you. She'll ask me whether I've harassed you or disturbed you from your sleep and I want to make sure that whatever answer I give her is both truthful and completely your idea.
[ a lie: i just want to give you what you need. i have no gifts. ]
[ There's something Vax can't quite articulate to Percy, hasn't been able to tell anyone, even his sister. They've returned him to this world, but he feels hollowed out. It's as if he were scraped clean when they pulled him from the water. He still tastes salt when he wakes, before he remembers.
There are moments, many of them, when Vax feels as if he is partially absent from this world. Sleep hasn't swept that sense away from him. He is aware now more than ever of who he serves. He is aware of how easy it would be to slip away from his family. These are hard things to hold in his mind. They're easier kept at bay when his friends are close to him; Percy's bulk does the trick in the moment. It grounds him here, reminds him that his life has been clawed back at what he suspects was a dear price.
There's no answer immediately. Vax's head turns to find Percy's mouth again and kiss him softly, almost chastely. ]
Wear me out, [ he says finally, unsure if that's exactly what he wants but it's about as close as he can come without trying to verbalize the sense of displacement and the lingering weight of his Lady's hold on him. ] Please.
[ Out of everyone, Percy's the best candidate for indulging him in this. Grog might have been good for it, if he weren't so thoroughly cowed by Pike. But Percy is good for taking him apart and putting him back together. They've taught each other enough of that over time. ]
[ he gets his knees under himself a moment, leaning forward with fingers smoothing back dark hair. one kiss, and then another, and then one more — ]
If that will please you.
[ a quiet assent that is met with the sound of blankets being pulled away, clothing being pushed aside bit by bit. every inch of flesh revealed is drawn over by fingertips, skimming underneath to pull his shirt up, smoothing along elbows and forearms to draw it down and away onto the floor again.
they're always told to leave their freshly risen friends to their rest.
unfortunately percival and vax find it difficult to do so. a resonance and disembodied sensation in skin and muscle once soft with death. a dissociation between this world and the last, life and death, existing and ceasing to be. that last breath is painful, that last breath is like a fist around the lungs before everything becomes dark and otherworldly.
when he kisses him on the mouth again, it's less chaste than vax's, a promise to wear him out signed and sealed as he pushes under the blankets himself now and lets the line of vax's body carefully come to rest flush to his. the kraken had left bruises in its wake, long and winding ugly things that still feel tender that percy aims to just barely graze his cool fingertips over. ]
The Deathwalker's Ward blunted some of the damage, but the end result is still written across his skin in vivid purples and greens. He shudders when Percy touches them, gasping quietly against his mouth. Vax has carried bruises in one form of another all of his life, but this particular set comes bound up in a sucking, cold darkness, the inside of a gaping maw and the knowledge that somewhere close by his family is struggling onwards with an impossible battle.
They are still in the midst of an impossible battle, and for a moment, when he'd felt the tug of Pike's attention and the slow-rising whispers of his friends' voices, he hadn't understood why he would be called back. He makes a low, pained noise as Percy's fingers map out the marks left behind, and flattens his hand over Percy's before he can pull away. ]
That's good.
[ Not exactly, but the sensation isn't unwelcome. There are moments when Vax thinks he will never care how he's being touched by any of them, so long as they put their hands on him. He feel that way now, aware of a slow-growing desperation for anything Percy will give him. ]
It doesn't hurt, [ he amends, quieter, cocooned beneath the blankets with Percy's body tucked in alongside him. ] You don't have to be overly gentle.
The last thing I need is a lecture, [ he scolds softly, but places open palms against the lengthy marks roping around his skin, presses into the abrasions as if maybe something helpful would birth from his palms instead of a curse. cure wounds as if he were some wondrous spellcaster. lay on hands, even, but what god would have him? so instead he smooths cool fingertips along each ugly line that the deathwalker's ward could not keep off. ] But you'll feel it, I promise. Everything you want and need, Vax'ildan. I owe you this.
[ leaning in, he presses his mouth to vax's, a solid weight to the kiss, one that tells him of just how alive he is, how warm he will be soon enough, how beloved he is for all of the shit he talks, tongue like a knife. one hand on his belly, the other skimming up to slide through his hair, to thumb the feathers vex'ahlia has braided into place, shock of blue in the dark. ] I want to give this to you.
[ a reminder that he's alive, a reminder that — ]
You are ours.
[ soft and against his mouth, kissed lingeringly, then his jaw, his throat. ]
I'll show you.
[ with a hand trailing down past those bruises, over the line of his hips, against the waistline of loose sleep clothes. ]
[ Percy's hands are like licks of fire across his skin. His mouth opens under Percy's, sighing quietly into the kiss. He thinks about biting Percy, thinks about something a lot more strenuous than what they're in the midst of now. Percy's weight bears him down into the mattress, scorches and burns against the chill that's settled into his bones since he woke on the temple floor.
But what Percy says—
Vax groans, breath catching in his throat. Percy uttering that claim, words snagging and hooking into his belly. You are ours. The statement, something Vax has always known, lances through him. He feels tears pricking at his eyes. He'd almost been gone. If he hadn't come back, if She hadn't given him back... ]
You don't owe me, I just...please.
[ His fingers lace through Percy's, clutch on tightly. ]
Keep saying that.
[ Nothing he doesn't know, but something he still wants to hear. He wants Percy to bite that truth into his skin: that he belongs to Vox Machina, that their claim on him is strong enough to anchor him even in the face of his patron. Percy's determined to be gentle, and maybe that's the sensible approach, but all it means is that Vax clings on to him even more tightly. He wants to draw Percy over him, wants to claw his way inside Percy's bones.
At his throat, the sensation of Percy's lips still burn. Every place he touches, the sensation of Percy's hands and mouth linger. Vax should have asked him: is this chill normal? How long had it taken for Percy to shake it off? Had anything besides another set of hands been able to drive it away? ]
[ fingers laced, he pushes vax's hand down, slides it up to where the pillows are going slack and resting them there with only the faintest bit of pressure. it's enough to keep him down in the state he's in, enough to push a bruise where it matters (hidden under a bracer, even if it isn't a secret, a little throbbing reminder.)
vax's skin is cold. it's cold enough that percy feels a surge of desire to warm him, to impress himself like a fire-heated brand to his flesh. ]
I do. But that is for a later date.
[ said with a tenderness and a sharpness meant to set the words in stone. i do owe you. i owe you everything. i should have been better help. i should have done more. his free hand has already started to push down past clothing, fingers curling around him to give a hot stroke of his palm once and then again. when he eyes trail to where vax is, he looks at him over his glasses, close enough here and now that he doesn't fall out of focus, but somehow becomes sharper in how he thrives now, moves. he wants to wring sensation out of him, set him alight, remind him. ]
The only thing that matters in this moment to me is that you are alive.
[ fingers tightening on vax's hand, thumb stroking an old scar as he twists his wrist a little bit from where he's stroking along his cock, thumbing the head of him as he readjusts. a thigh between his legs, keeping them spread for him as he keeps a steady rhythm meant to begin something long and torturous. ] We won't let anything take you away from us. [ not before your time. not even then. never. ]
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no subject
What happens when She calls and he finds himself unable to do anything but answer? How does he leave them?
But that's not a question he has to answer for himself today. The kiss breaks on a yawn, then a self-satisfied grin. The smugness of the expression doesn't hide the tenderness in Vax's eyes; Percy's words wedge like a blade into his chest. Vax knows all Percy's charm doesn't make it easy for him to say. ]
As if you could be rid of me that easily.
[ Deflecting. What else does he say? He finds himself at a loss in the wake of Percy's admission. Their usual brand of selfishness doesn't feel like this. Every gentle sweep of Percy's fingers and press of his mouth has Vax shuddering, body heating in spite of the memory of cold. ]
Stay here, please. For tonight.
[ Vax very much doubts they'd manage the entire night without their family drifting in again. At the least, Keyleth wouldn't stay away. But Vax is reluctant to surrender this particular closeness. ]
no subject
Of course, [ he mumbles it out mid-motion, settling in at the tail end of the word and kicking blankets up because if he's going to make a thorough job of this then he wants to be as close as humanly possible.
a rarity.
the de rolos were never a touchy sort of family, but vox machina has made percy crave it like most flowers crave the light, yawning towards each touch like it feeds him at the depths of his tattered soul. he rests his face into the black halo of vax's hair, a hand on his face sliding down to smooth over his arm now as he pulls him close. ]
No more oceans for a while. That was... absolutely terrifying. [ the kraken? losing you. ]
no subject
I'm not planning on going swimming any time soon.
[ His fingers trail down the nape of Percy's neck, tuck beneath his collar. They're all made of scars by now, despite Keyleth and Pike (and Scanlan, Vax's thoughts stutter over the name) and Vex'ahlia's best efforts. They all had so many ways to ward against pain, but the scars lingered. Vax can count his own, ropey and ugly, across his body. He hasn't checked to see what the Kraken left him as a gift. ]
How did it feel when you...how did it feel on Glintshore?
[ As Vax lobs out this particularly difficult question, he draws his legs up, ankles bracing on the bedding as his thighs bracket Percy's hips. It's almost like Vax anticipates some withdrawal, and his body instinctively moves to keep him held tightly. ]
no subject
Pain... [ a pause, slow as he sinks fingers into vax's hair, presses a soft kiss to his temples and murmurs: ] Being consumed... I was being eaten. Every fiber of my... just... devoured slowly and painfully, I...
[ he presses his forehead to vax's, brow drawing down tight. ]
It felt like there would be an end... that it would end only when I was gone. Truly. Completely. Gone... perhaps this answer isn't the clearest, but I've tried not to think about it. [ he smoothes an errant hair back, inky black curled around his finger, mixed in with the stray beads that vax has braided into his hair, the feathers from his sister a stark teal in contrast. ] Did you hear her? The Raven Queen? See her?
no subject
Impulsively, Vax lifts his head to catch Percy's mouth. He lets the kiss linger, drag out slowly, as his fingers tighten on Percy's neck. It's a good distraction. It's a better comfort, maybe, than anything Vax could say about Percy's brief time spent dead. He knows what he'd asked. And it helps less than Vax thought it would. His own absence from this world hadn't been the same. He nips Percy's lower lip, then lets his head thunk back on the pillow, draws in a deep breath. ]
I was with her. I think I was with her.
[ Vax has the lingering impression of soft hands, a white mask, feathers brushing his face. ]
It's hard to remember, Percy.
[ There was time missing. His fingers tap anxiously along Percy's nape, hook the collar of his shirt indecisively. ]
But I think she had me. I don't remember...nothing felt urgent.
[ And that is perhaps what Vax finds most troubling; there had been no crushing need to return. Surely that would have made itself known? ]
no subject
[ said low, like a secret. it's just the two of them here, but percy is quiet all the same, as if he might incur the wrath of someone who might mistake his laying atop vax for him trying to strangle him in the middle of the night (it's happened, or maybe he'd simply dreamed it during their more volatile times.) ]
You're fidgety, [ an off-handed remark, feeling the way fingers tap along his nape, against the bones and his pulse, where the top of his spine starts.
so he shifts a bit, bracing himself on his hands and lowering again to press a lingering kiss on the corner of his mouth where trouble and thought curl themselves together in a shape that percy knows well. ] Tell me what I can do to put you at ease besides staying here with you. Vex knows I'm the last to come see you. She'll ask me whether I've harassed you or disturbed you from your sleep and I want to make sure that whatever answer I give her is both truthful and completely your idea.
[ a lie: i just want to give you what you need. i have no gifts. ]
no subject
There are moments, many of them, when Vax feels as if he is partially absent from this world. Sleep hasn't swept that sense away from him. He is aware now more than ever of who he serves. He is aware of how easy it would be to slip away from his family. These are hard things to hold in his mind. They're easier kept at bay when his friends are close to him; Percy's bulk does the trick in the moment. It grounds him here, reminds him that his life has been clawed back at what he suspects was a dear price.
There's no answer immediately. Vax's head turns to find Percy's mouth again and kiss him softly, almost chastely. ]
Wear me out, [ he says finally, unsure if that's exactly what he wants but it's about as close as he can come without trying to verbalize the sense of displacement and the lingering weight of his Lady's hold on him. ] Please.
[ Out of everyone, Percy's the best candidate for indulging him in this. Grog might have been good for it, if he weren't so thoroughly cowed by Pike. But Percy is good for taking him apart and putting him back together. They've taught each other enough of that over time. ]
no subject
If that will please you.
[ a quiet assent that is met with the sound of blankets being pulled away, clothing being pushed aside bit by bit. every inch of flesh revealed is drawn over by fingertips, skimming underneath to pull his shirt up, smoothing along elbows and forearms to draw it down and away onto the floor again.
they're always told to leave their freshly risen friends to their rest.
unfortunately percival and vax find it difficult to do so. a resonance and disembodied sensation in skin and muscle once soft with death. a dissociation between this world and the last, life and death, existing and ceasing to be. that last breath is painful, that last breath is like a fist around the lungs before everything becomes dark and otherworldly.
when he kisses him on the mouth again, it's less chaste than vax's, a promise to wear him out signed and sealed as he pushes under the blankets himself now and lets the line of vax's body carefully come to rest flush to his. the kraken had left bruises in its wake, long and winding ugly things that still feel tender that percy aims to just barely graze his cool fingertips over. ]
no subject
The Deathwalker's Ward blunted some of the damage, but the end result is still written across his skin in vivid purples and greens. He shudders when Percy touches them, gasping quietly against his mouth. Vax has carried bruises in one form of another all of his life, but this particular set comes bound up in a sucking, cold darkness, the inside of a gaping maw and the knowledge that somewhere close by his family is struggling onwards with an impossible battle.
They are still in the midst of an impossible battle, and for a moment, when he'd felt the tug of Pike's attention and the slow-rising whispers of his friends' voices, he hadn't understood why he would be called back. He makes a low, pained noise as Percy's fingers map out the marks left behind, and flattens his hand over Percy's before he can pull away. ]
That's good.
[ Not exactly, but the sensation isn't unwelcome. There are moments when Vax thinks he will never care how he's being touched by any of them, so long as they put their hands on him. He feel that way now, aware of a slow-growing desperation for anything Percy will give him. ]
It doesn't hurt, [ he amends, quieter, cocooned beneath the blankets with Percy's body tucked in alongside him. ] You don't have to be overly gentle.
no subject
[ leaning in, he presses his mouth to vax's, a solid weight to the kiss, one that tells him of just how alive he is, how warm he will be soon enough, how beloved he is for all of the shit he talks, tongue like a knife. one hand on his belly, the other skimming up to slide through his hair, to thumb the feathers vex'ahlia has braided into place, shock of blue in the dark. ] I want to give this to you.
[ a reminder that he's alive, a reminder that — ]
You are ours.
[ soft and against his mouth, kissed lingeringly, then his jaw, his throat. ]
I'll show you.
[ with a hand trailing down past those bruises, over the line of his hips, against the waistline of loose sleep clothes. ]
no subject
But what Percy says—
Vax groans, breath catching in his throat. Percy uttering that claim, words snagging and hooking into his belly. You are ours. The statement, something Vax has always known, lances through him. He feels tears pricking at his eyes. He'd almost been gone. If he hadn't come back, if She hadn't given him back... ]
You don't owe me, I just...please.
[ His fingers lace through Percy's, clutch on tightly. ]
Keep saying that.
[ Nothing he doesn't know, but something he still wants to hear. He wants Percy to bite that truth into his skin: that he belongs to Vox Machina, that their claim on him is strong enough to anchor him even in the face of his patron. Percy's determined to be gentle, and maybe that's the sensible approach, but all it means is that Vax clings on to him even more tightly. He wants to draw Percy over him, wants to claw his way inside Percy's bones.
At his throat, the sensation of Percy's lips still burn. Every place he touches, the sensation of Percy's hands and mouth linger. Vax should have asked him: is this chill normal? How long had it taken for Percy to shake it off? Had anything besides another set of hands been able to drive it away? ]
no subject
vax's skin is cold. it's cold enough that percy feels a surge of desire to warm him, to impress himself like a fire-heated brand to his flesh. ]
I do. But that is for a later date.
[ said with a tenderness and a sharpness meant to set the words in stone. i do owe you. i owe you everything. i should have been better help. i should have done more. his free hand has already started to push down past clothing, fingers curling around him to give a hot stroke of his palm once and then again. when he eyes trail to where vax is, he looks at him over his glasses, close enough here and now that he doesn't fall out of focus, but somehow becomes sharper in how he thrives now, moves. he wants to wring sensation out of him, set him alight, remind him. ]
The only thing that matters in this moment to me is that you are alive.
[ fingers tightening on vax's hand, thumb stroking an old scar as he twists his wrist a little bit from where he's stroking along his cock, thumbing the head of him as he readjusts. a thigh between his legs, keeping them spread for him as he keeps a steady rhythm meant to begin something long and torturous. ] We won't let anything take you away from us. [ not before your time. not even then. never. ]