[ It had felt endless, even before his resurrection. It had felt as though he would never wake up again, and sleep had disappeared from him as soon as that thought had settled. He didn't want to risk what might happen if he fell asleep and couldn't come to again, if his life was stolen from him a second time. Surely, he thinks, surely once is enough, and he can feel the knots in his stomach even as he glances back.
Hesitating, his hands shake as he looks at the bottle he brought with him, lifting a hand to run through his hair. ]
Thank you.
[ But it's not really enough, is it? Just drinking. It won't make all the fear and uncertainty completely disappear, and he turns back to look at the other man, hesitating for a moment before he forces himself to breathe out and relax. He has to have control of himself, even if he doesn't think he might be able to.
[ No, perhaps there isn't. Neither of them had ever been very forthcoming about what was going on in their heads. Vax lets his emotions play out across his face, move and influence him. Percy, on the other hand— ]
We could talk about why you're here.
[ Vax doesn't reach to touch him, but he turns in towards Percy. The urge to reach out is written all over him. ]
It's late, Freddie.
[ Which isn't an invitation to leave, but it is a tell in and of itself. If Percy were alright, he'd be asleep. After everything, after Glintshore and Orthax, it doesn't seem strange that something's keeping Percy up at night. It's just hard to know how to help, which of his instincts to trust. They'd only barely begun repairing their friendship. It leaves Vax in a strange position, wanting to help but not quite steady enough to know where to begin. ]
[ There's some hesitance and Percy looks lost and confused for a moment, as if he's looking for something to anchor him. Only then does he turn to look at Vax again, expression twisting. ]
We could, but must we?
[ Bowing his head, he breathes in and out gently before he shakes his head. ]
Do you want me to go? I didn't want to disturb you, I only -
[ He wanted something. He wanted something to anchor him, to make him feel better, squeezing his hands tight together. Taking his glass, he downs the emtire thing before he rests his face in his hands. ]
[ The words are simple, blunt; they're a poor vehicle for communicating just how incredible and important that is to Vax. His body shifts, turning in towards Percy as he grips his shoulder. ]
You aren't disturbing me, Freddie. I—I wouldn't complain about you being here.
[ They are all still dwelling in the wake of that moment when Percy had been gone, dead and cold on the ground. It's different then what had happened to Vex'ahlia. Vax more than anyone is aware of the distinction here. That entire night when they'd all considered the prospect that they wouldn't be able to have retrieve Percy. When Vax had considered that all his pleas to his Lady wouldn't be able to tip the scales back into their favor. ]
Have you slept at all?
[ Maybe if they don't approach the obvious questions head on, this whole thing will be easier. Vax isn't sure exactly how to make this any easier on Percy. Maybe it would have been a mercy if they'd been able to ease his re-entry into the world.
Or maybe Vax should have tried a little harder to make sure Percy had never left this world in the first place. If he'd been more convincing, if he'd been a little stronger—
He's not the only one of Vox Machina who thought this way. He knows that. They had done all they could, but that kind of logic doesn't do much in the face of Percy's unsteadiness and the lingering dread that followed in the wake of the resurrection. ]
[ It's not quite a slap in the face, but it's enough to have Percy lifting his head up again, to look over at the half-elf, eyes flickering for a moment. ]
Are you certain? I don't want to take you away from anything important.
[ As if anything is as important as coming back from the dead. His eyes flick back over to Vax and he breathes out for a moment. He has to count down from ten, to calm himself down, to bring himself back to some kind of rational state of mind - at least then he might be able to handle this again, he might be able to rationalise it completely.
He died. There's nothing that's going to make that better, going to make that okay.
Shaking his head, he reaches out and lets his hands flex for a moment, breathing out softly before he lets his head bow, just a little, feeling a twist of nausea inside of him. ]
No, no, I haven't slept. I was afraid that... [ That he might not wake up. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Hesitating, his hands shake as he looks at the bottle he brought with him, lifting a hand to run through his hair. ]
Thank you.
[ But it's not really enough, is it? Just drinking. It won't make all the fear and uncertainty completely disappear, and he turns back to look at the other man, hesitating for a moment before he forces himself to breathe out and relax. He has to have control of himself, even if he doesn't think he might be able to.
Bowing his head, he frowns. ]
I'm not sure there's much to talk about.
[ He died, and now he is alive. That is that. ]
no subject
We could talk about why you're here.
[ Vax doesn't reach to touch him, but he turns in towards Percy. The urge to reach out is written all over him. ]
It's late, Freddie.
[ Which isn't an invitation to leave, but it is a tell in and of itself. If Percy were alright, he'd be asleep. After everything, after Glintshore and Orthax, it doesn't seem strange that something's keeping Percy up at night. It's just hard to know how to help, which of his instincts to trust. They'd only barely begun repairing their friendship. It leaves Vax in a strange position, wanting to help but not quite steady enough to know where to begin. ]
no subject
We could, but must we?
[ Bowing his head, he breathes in and out gently before he shakes his head. ]
Do you want me to go? I didn't want to disturb you, I only -
[ He wanted something. He wanted something to anchor him, to make him feel better, squeezing his hands tight together. Taking his glass, he downs the emtire thing before he rests his face in his hands. ]
This is just - a mess.
no subject
[ The words are simple, blunt; they're a poor vehicle for communicating just how incredible and important that is to Vax. His body shifts, turning in towards Percy as he grips his shoulder. ]
You aren't disturbing me, Freddie. I—I wouldn't complain about you being here.
[ They are all still dwelling in the wake of that moment when Percy had been gone, dead and cold on the ground. It's different then what had happened to Vex'ahlia. Vax more than anyone is aware of the distinction here. That entire night when they'd all considered the prospect that they wouldn't be able to have retrieve Percy. When Vax had considered that all his pleas to his Lady wouldn't be able to tip the scales back into their favor. ]
Have you slept at all?
[ Maybe if they don't approach the obvious questions head on, this whole thing will be easier. Vax isn't sure exactly how to make this any easier on Percy. Maybe it would have been a mercy if they'd been able to ease his re-entry into the world.
Or maybe Vax should have tried a little harder to make sure Percy had never left this world in the first place. If he'd been more convincing, if he'd been a little stronger—
He's not the only one of Vox Machina who thought this way. He knows that. They had done all they could, but that kind of logic doesn't do much in the face of Percy's unsteadiness and the lingering dread that followed in the wake of the resurrection. ]
no subject
[ It's not quite a slap in the face, but it's enough to have Percy lifting his head up again, to look over at the half-elf, eyes flickering for a moment. ]
Are you certain? I don't want to take you away from anything important.
[ As if anything is as important as coming back from the dead. His eyes flick back over to Vax and he breathes out for a moment. He has to count down from ten, to calm himself down, to bring himself back to some kind of rational state of mind - at least then he might be able to handle this again, he might be able to rationalise it completely.
He died. There's nothing that's going to make that better, going to make that okay.
Shaking his head, he reaches out and lets his hands flex for a moment, breathing out softly before he lets his head bow, just a little, feeling a twist of nausea inside of him. ]
No, no, I haven't slept. I was afraid that... [ That he might not wake up. ]